A Year Prior to Whitney's Death R&B Vocalist Vesta Williams dies

She was an R&B singer that could leave you feeling speechless with her 4 octave voice range.  She was best known for a song entitled, Congratulations.  I am speaking of Vesta Williams.

Now this R&B vocalist died prior to Whitney back in September 2011.  Some entertainment websites tried to suggest that she may have overdosed on prescription medicines like this one.  Her autopsy was completed the same month.  Here's what popular celebrity gossip site, TMZ reported at the time.  See here.

What I find disturbing about this story is Vesta, like Whitney, died in a hotel room with pills nearby.  I couldn't help but think was Vesta's death something that didn't happen naturally.  Some websites, like this one, reported in December she died of an enlarged heart.

Given the recent events with Whitney's death, I have to say that something just stinks.  With so much satanic influence emerging at a rapid pace in black music with the younger generation, I can't help but feel like something sinister is going on behind the scenes.  I also feel like those "old heads" who choose not to conform, and may even go so far as to share inside information with the general public, are quietly revisited by old demons.

Now Whitney Houston Gone...

Since writing about Etta James not that long ago, you can only imagine my surprise when I found out Whitney died. 

Now is it just me, or are our late 80s and 90s R&B artists falling behind the scenes or slipping through the cracks (on purpose mind you,) because far too many modern day artists are simply selling their souls to the devil, no longer by choice, but by force to some degree?  I was thinking of an interview where Whitney exposes "they."  Those who wanted her to do some sell your soul kind of things, I assume, since her comeback.  She wasn't having it.  Here is a link to that interview.  Interesting enough on the same website, friends share personal details about Whitney's gay lifestyle, oh you didn't know?  You can also read about Whitney talking more about Jesus leading up to her death as well.  Here's a link to that article as well.     

I'm looking for patterns more closely in future deaths of celebrities.  I can't help myself.  Being that it is black history month and knowing that many blacks have died in history simply because of many people's racial prejudice, you can't help but want to learn more about all things related to black entertainers since they are like the teacher's pets in our society--used to communicate what the top has to say to the bottom.  I just can't sit still and accept some vague media report about an entertainer especially when I know that mainstream media is known for telling more lies than a celebrity gossip newspaper at your local grocery store!

You have to weed out the lies from the truth.  You can't go spreading the so-called news when you know yourself that you aren't getting all the facts.  However, what will a big paycheck make some do?  Report the news story anyway forsaking all things learned in investigative news reporting 101. Where are the follow up questions, reporters?  Why do you cut off the people when they are on a roll with the truth (like Oprah does and she makes some sudden gestures too to be sure her fellow brother and sister in the entertainment industry doesn't hang themselves on her show (ie. the Whitney and Dave Chapelle interviews for starters?)

So what I am looking for now since Whitney's passing?  Just more in-depth news reporting when it comes to hot topics, I am looking at more patterns in future deaths, slip-ups in the story-telling by more than one media source, vague details with unanswered questions, controversies surrounding the death, actions prior to the death, symbolism, and anything else I deem newsworthy.

You say, "Well why bother?"  Because I don't like to be lied to by so-called respectable sources, and besides I don't like liars or brainwashed people who choose to debate without taking time to research.  Fact is fact plain and simple.  Besides, shooting the legitimate messengers are not going to keep the truth from going forth.  Stand for truth fellow bloggers!  

My Thought When Researching Celebrities...

Every now and then I get into these discussions with family and friends about celebrities.  Some of them claim to know this and that about a star.  I usually notice something funky in their stories and correct them on it, especially if I already did some research of my own.  Usually they redirect the conversation to some other artist when they know they have been proven wrong.  When people don't take a little bit of time to find out a few things about a celebrity, before making comments, they look silly.  They may watch a television show and then falsely assume they know all there is to know.  Case in point, Etta James.  This entertainer recently passed and all one hears about is her funeral.  But the real news, is behind the scenes.  Now how might you research subject matter about what was really going on with an artist leading up to her death?  You might start out by using one or two of your theories, notice I said theory, not fact ie.) follow the money trail, follow a controversial subject related to the person, check out the family, etc.  Now theories don't become facts unless you can prove them.

In the Etta James situation the point I wanted to make is how one's family can act like vultures once they know that someone is about to die and how they use the death to pad their own pockets.

The Etta James passing is a good example of how things work when an artist dies and their family surrounds the camp looking to see what they can get out of the death. I found out it odd that Christina Aguilera performs in front of many while her menstrual blood runs down her leg.  Just an accident, most likely, but definitely not liquid tanning stuff like some reporters tried to suggest. I will leave it at that, because things do happen to all of us women.  So there was no need to research that any further--yuck.  But what I did notice is Aguilera did listen to Ms. James as well as other singers while growing up.  However, no mention of Ms. James as being her best, most favorite in the whole wide world prior to the funeral, so "stop all that kissing up to the viewers and just sing, girlfriend," I thought, while watching the video.

Now back to Ms. James.  I had to wonder if anyone was responsible for speeding up her death, by doing certain things since there was $60,000 a month alloted for her medical expenses.  You can learn more about that when you click on one of the links below.   Hollywood has a long history of aspiring artists offering a blood sacrifice to a certain group they may belong to in order to obtain money and fame.  I didn't go that far to prove or disprove that this is the case with James family especially since everything surrounding her passing is still so new.  But I wonder.  In the spiritual realm, those of you who are believers, know that the love of money is the root of all evil and much pain and hardship gradually destroys family mentally and then physically so that others can see their slow decline.

Etta James had a husband, Artis Mills and two sons, Donto and Sametto.   Donto James is an unsigned artist. He doesn't have much going on in the music industry. What do you think might happen now since mamma died?

Now there were some family issues regarding money leading up to Ms. James death, mind you, she was terminally ill back in Dec. 2011 (and if you recall, Cadillac Records, came out in 2009) I guess someone (or someones-lol) thought she was going to die either in '09 or '11.  As you do more study on other celebrities, you will find a pattern when it comes to numbers (many are affiliated with groups into numerology.)  Anyway, here is a link to the controversy surrounding money between Ms. James husband and sons. http://fandaily.info/celebrities/artis-mills-is-etta-james-husband/

Did a little background checking on the second son, Sametto James, he doesn't have much going on as far as a film career. How might he stand to benefit since his mother's passing? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1839874/

Since Ms. James death, her record sells have increased.

Interesting, she got her start in the church too. Another good example of how one uses God for this and that, then later on sells her soul. She was known for acting vulgar on the stage.

http://archives.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/19/mjazz.02.etta.james/

 

Now one who would want to continue to research other points related to Ms. James would keep seeking out additional information about the celebrity's affiliations, trouble with the law, relationships, location of performances and what happened while there, and more.  Before long, you have a pandora's box of information that just can't be disputed. 

 

This is how it goes behind the scenes, we research.  Like I mentioned before, I don't like talking to people who just say whatever, but don't check out at least a few sources. 

 

Remember mainstream media glorifies celebrities.  They try to keep negative things out of the limelight.  If you really want to know who or what a celebrity represents, you have to do your own research.  Don't leave it up to others to spoonfeed you!  Also, if you don't like reading and doing research, save yourself from a headache, don't attempt to argue with people who do like to do such things.

 

Nicholl McGuire

Thinking about Relocating?

There have been many times in my life that I have moved from one neighborhood, city and state for this reason and that one: a new job, change of scenery, more space, better location, you name it!

Everytime I moved, there was always some new experience I encountered living amongst strangers.  Sometimes the neighbors were friendly and other times they were not.  Sometimes children behaved themselves and then other times I wished I never saw them.  With every move, I would notice the neighbors had a story.  There was always something going on with them that was awkward.  I recall a neighbor who enjoyed drinking not only on the weekends, but through the week too.  Another neighbor enjoyed sharing his pleasure of a certain illegal drug by letting the smoke outside his window so everyone could smell it.  Then there was a neighbor who liked using his Karoke machine every Friday night while a couple found that yelling and screaming about their relationship difficulties every weekend would help them stay together.  Why don't some people respect the privacy of others simply by closing their curtains and windows?  Oh yeah, it's been a ride! 

Anyway, when you find some time, if you are apartment searching, I have a blog that you might be interested in.  Apartment Leasing Tips

It's Time

Revelation is here!  More and more people are seeing that all that glitters in the entertainment industry, television news, talk show circuit, print journalism, front page search engine news, and even people in their own families ain't gold!  We have a lot of "wannabes" walking amongst us.  People that pretend like they are free emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but are really captives in prisons designed by other captives!

You see evidence of this by the many news stories and videos that are watered down!  You may have noticed this when you have attended large churches or watched them on TV.  It's not just you, truth is being watered down by any tax free organization that signed a government document!  Those at the top never want those at the bottom to know what is really going on!  This type of thinking has been going on forever and people at the bottom who speak truth aren't liked and eventually are silenced because of it!

Everything in our media, churches and elsewhere is edited so as not to hurt feelings or lose big money friendships!  So-called leaders apologize for speaking truth.  They backpeddle when confronted by handlers.  They say things like, "What I meant to say was...You misunderstood...They misquoted me...What I was trying to say..."  Oh, we know what truth this one and that one already said before "they" got a hold of them!  Like a witness seated in a courtroom, the entertainer, the politician and other people of influence let one piece of truth slip against all advice from attorneys.  Sometimes we too have to let that one piece of truth slip if it means it is going to help our case, free a captive, or give a voice to the voiceless.  However, some people let lies that pose as truths slip from quick tongues, so that it sends conspiracy theorists and truth seekers on a wild goose chase.  If you don't have a gift of spiritual discernment, good research skills, and a love for truth, you will buy into just about anything!

What all people, who are tired of being misled by media, government, mischievous family and friends and the like, ought to do is be like those mysterious wise teachers of yesteryear and seek a Higher Power.  I personally started on that quest back in 1997, but got knocked off track because I allowed worldly influence to dictate my thought processes--notice I didn't place blame on anyone.  I got wrapped up into my haves and have-nots that I slowly stopped using most of my spiritual gifts to help me and others.  It wouldn't be until 2007, that I would start moving toward God again in search of peace of mind and renewed focus.  These days, I call on my Higher Power, whose name is Jesus, so we are clear, and he has a Father, who sometimes I refer to as God or Lord.  When Jesus departed, he left behind a gift called the Holy Spirit.  So yes, I am one of those believers that a worldly society loves to hate.  I believe that Jesus and all who follow him have an enemy which some call Satan and others call Lucifer. I believe, like the Lord, Satan too has his followers that have "sold out" to him and his teachings.  I have personally experienced a world beyond the natural eye since connecting with the Holy Spirit and yes I have experienced a proposition from Satan himself (not man) to lend him my talents in exchange for money and fame while I lived less than 20 minutes away from Hollywood.

With all the foolishness that surrounds us on a daily basis, it can be hard to sort through the lies.  You are lied to about sporting events, American history, tragedies, celebrity stories, health news, business, employment, and more!

Anything seen in front of millions of eyes all have false fronts designed by people who are the best in their industries in building them! "Always show your best smile, best wardrobe, best car, etc.  Use your best vocabulary and never let them see you sweat under those lights," says those who represent the elite.  "We have an image to maintain, so don't $%^# it up!"  Oh yeah, unholy people don't use niceties! 

So what time is it, really?  Time for the return of our Saviour?  No.  We don't know the date or time.  Time for a new perspective? Yes.  Start looking at your daily routines with a new set of eyes.  So many entertainers cover one-eye that they never get a full perspective on what truth really looks like with two eyes!  Of course, a one-eyed enemy will do just that--make others look just like him.  If you don't know what I am talking about, you might want to check out the album covers of many artists, you will find a pattern of images that are connected to a so-called secret organization that isn't so secret these days.

Anyway, if you are interested in being delivered from the lie you may be living, start seeking truth in all things, not just in the Holy Bible.  Begin questioning things like, "Why do I spend most of my free time being fed other people's news, entertainment, etc.?  Why do I wear what I wear?  Why do I style my hair in this way?  Why do I settle for meaningless one-night stands?  Why can't I commit?  Why do I bother with certain family members and/or friends that are nothing more than vampires and wolves?  Why do I associate myself and my money with things that are really not helping me emotionally and/or physically?  Ask why about every little thing including tattoos on one's skin, books that people like to quote out of and post on Facebook, even why your boss may look at you in a certain way.  Oh yes, ask why about everything!

You see, once you start asking, "Why" instead of "What" so much, you will begin to see you and others in a new way and yes, the truth will hurt!  You will either work toward being a better you or remain the same feeling like something is missing in your life.  Most people never stay in their "Why" moments for long.  They are too busy allowing their minds to be critical of others.  They desire wisdom and more things, but don't want to do all that they need to do to obtain them.  Each person living on this planet had to give up something in order to get something. 

Some of us sacrifice a little and others sacrifice a lot from one day to the next just to maintain a certain lifestyle.  Some people have gone so far as to make promises to fulfill special duties (or orders) knowing full well that someone may get hurt in the process.  Others have lived by shallow principles for so long that their minds have been robbed of basic logic, otherwise known as, common sense. 

Some of you reading this have been told by those closest to you to, "Look the other way, ignore what those people are saying, stick to what you do!" You may have thought, "They are so right!"  But what you didn't ask yourself is, "Are these people really looking out for me or are they trying to keep me from growing up and away from them because I benefit them in some way?"  Some of you have long been robbed of the truth by people who find that money is more important than mental well-being.  "It doesn't matter what people say," the opportunist tells us.  "Just do you!"  However, these same people don't want you 10 feet near a church.  They get offended if you act like you want to talk about your faith.  They even get angry if you smile or laugh too long.  "We got work to do," they tell you in a mean voice.  Do they really care about you, or do they really care about what you can do for them?  Hmm.

It's time to stop allowing others to keep you from living out your calling--your true purpose for living, Child of God!  Some of you were told many years ago to be a certain something in the kingdom and you ended up being nothing in God's kingdom, but a spectator.  Others have a feeling they should be doing more than just going to work everyday, but never put aside time to just think long enough what might that be.  Some of you reading this are so confused about everything in your life from what to eat to which gender you are attracted to.  Are these issues and more, too hard for a God who makes the grass green and the snow white? 

It's time to let your guard down when it comes to the Lord, my friend.  Find a place where you can spiritually rest your head!  No distractions, no music, no TV, no conversations on the cell-phone, no anything for, at the very least, 24 hours!  That's right, get quiet!  Read a wise book.  May I suggest the Holy Bible for starters or something related to it that you can digest?  Ask the Lord what he thinks of you and what you should be doing to be a new and improved you!

It's time to stop playing and start praying!

Nicholl McGuire
To read more of my spiritual writings, join me here.

Rise Above It

Whatever your "it" is, rise above it!  Now I know that at times we all want to talk a long time about what bothers us to that significant person in our lives, we may call, "My man...my woman...my spouse...my best friend...my boo."  But let's just be honest, how many times have they heard our same broken down song.  "She makes me sick...I wish he would disappear...I can't stand working for...I would rather die then have to put up with..."  To all your story-telling, your partner might make a comment, deeply sigh, offer a little advice, or walk away with, "Not this again!" He or she may have drawn a line in the sand and if it could talk it sounds something like this, "You will not be upsetting me today with your mess! Cut your crazy people off.  Tell your boss to go to...I just don't want to keep listening to this mess!"

"Rise above it!" I say.  You know what?  It's obvious that you are wearing your advisers out with all that drama you are allowing in your life!  I know how it feels when you just want people to listen and they just don't act like they care.  They just give you that blank stare.  But if you honestly think about how many times you have shared a story filled with drama with those in your inner circle, it would probably make you cringe.  Rise above it!  Don't let anyone or any circumstance affect you so much that your partner starts wishing that he or she never allowed you into his or her world, because believe it or not, that's where your loved one is headed.  His or her mind will start fantasizing about what it would be like not being around you anymore--uh oh!  Relatives and friends will start distancing themselves from you.  You will start to wonder why they never bothered updating you with their new phone numbers or invited you to their personal events.  Don't wonder.  You know why.

It doesn't matter how long you have known someone or how much you think your relationship is the best, when people get tired, they get tired.  A boss gets tired of his worker's personal issues affecting the workplace.  The grandmother gets tired of the daughter dropping her grandchildren off on her while she does whatever with whoever.  The spouse grows weary of the complaints coming from his wife about what he never does or should do.  The mother reaches a point where she has to send her son packing, because he has disrespected her one too many times.  You get the point?

People are not gods.  Never will be!  As much as some would like to think they are or believe in many gods, there is only one God and many demons.  No one has the capacity to keep listening to drama day in and day out and remain unaffected unless they have a strong faith which many of us just don't.

Evil spirits love thriving in drama.  Evil spirits are invited into one's home by foolishness.  Fools on the outside looking to affect others on the inside.  Many are successful at doing it too!  The crying, the screaming, and the yelling are nothing more then a playground for the enemy.  It is better that one is quiet about his or her circumstances then loud and obnoxious.  You and that person you are talking to isn't the only two people in that room.  There are unseen spirits watching and waiting for their orders to attack.  Don't believe me?  Try reading a book that has been on this planet long before you were born, it's called the Holy Bible.  Then start looking at the album covers of most modern day musicians, then start looking at the symbolism in most movies, and businesses, watch for patterns.  Notice many of them have an occult origin.  Evil is real, spirits are real.  But what might all of this have to do with the personal drama in one's life? It all contributes to it.  What you put in your mind and body on a daily basis will eventually affect who you are.  There are enough studies and examples to prove this point.  Garbage in, garbage out, so the old saying goes.

If there was ever a time to get God in one's life, it is now!  Notice the boldness of evil images, thoughts, and patterns on our television screens.  How many times will we comment, "Wow, that's bad!  Ooo that's evil!  That is too dark and creepy for me!"  Rise above evil.  Do something different at home and everywhere you go that will bring love and goodness. 

Despite what the world thinks about the world, we know that deep down inside all of us, there is an "it" and "it" may be used for good or for evil.  The "it" shows up in how we react to others.  The "it" is disturbing your peace on the homefront.  The "it" is making those who once loved and respected you, move away from you.  The "it" will steal, destroy and eventually kill you. 

What "it" do you need to rise above today?

Nicholl McGuire

The Truth is a Hard Pill to Swallow

I have a background in journalism and communications specifically print media.  I was taught by a few professors that became rogue reporters over the course of their careers.  I say this because I see the tricks the mainstream media uses daily to convince you to believe their versions of the truth.  This is why my professors ended up choosing their own paths: rather than continuing on one that was designed for them.  They taught their students how to think for themselves...

Read more at my blog on Subliminal Messages, Freemasonry, Secret Societies and more.

Updated my Blog: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Since my book was printed, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate on Amazon.com, some years back, I continued with updating my blog about abusive experiences, signs, and tips.  I thought it was best I do this so that readers of my book would have a place to go online that welcomes their issues, provides solutions and simply understands.  There aren't too many people that will allow themselves to comprehend much less offer assistance to someone who isn't leaving an abusive mate (at least not yet.) 

Many of the contributing writers and myself, have all been there and done that.  Some people may still be going through some challenges and just haven't revealed everything.  I am not where I use to be (in my past experience with abuse,) but because of it, I still have those times where it is difficult for me in my present relationship.

Honesty is the best policy in any relationship.  Be honest about the things that a partner says or does that trigger an emotional outburst.  Tell the truth, even if it hurts, when your partner is making you feel uncomfortable.  Do what you must to try to keep the peace in your relationship.  For instance, if you know that at times the children drive you mad, go into a room and close the door! 

So many couples spend more time trying to deceive one another and others into thinking they are fine and their relationships are the best; rather, than choosing to deal with the things privately that are bringing it down slowly but surely.  Some couples are so blinded by evil that they can't even see it!  Therefore, they justify their self-destructive actions or inactions in a relationship as them "just being them." 

You have to wonder just how much does someone care about his or her partner when they always look to excuse bad behavior.  "Oh that's just the way he is...She's crazy, but I love her...That's just how we do...I don't care..."  Sure you don't.

So check out my blog about Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  It is definitely a wake up call for couples who think that their relationship is okay when it really isn't, and it's a very useful blog to those who are interested in checking out of that abusive relationship slowly but surely.

Nicholl

Just a Word about Online Selling/Marketing on Social Networking Sites

Some business people have bragged about how much money they have received and how many prospects they recruited as a result of marketing and/or selling via social networking sites like MySpace, Facebook, and Black Planet. Yet, what they don’t tell you is the specific details of the plan they used to get them. They avoid telling you this, because they hope to sell what they know in a future e-book, consider their information too valuable to give up and don’t want to have to compete with a fellow seller in the future using the same tactics.  Marketing and/or selling online depends upon two things:  the type of product, service or event you are selling and how you go about marketing in order to get people to act.  However, these days, it isn't easy and all that glitters isn't gold.  Many products, services and events just don't measure up to the hype!  Online marketers lose out on a lot of money and/or time before they find the right system that truly works for them.  Marketing and selling with the intent to make long-term finances isn't going to happen overnight!  It sincerely does take years of preparation.  You can click around my site to read more about experiences.

As we all know, some products just don’t do well on social networking sites. They may cost too much or be too cumbersome to obtain. The company's website may be a headache to visit due to all the video, music, slow uploads, error codes, and long forms to fill out. Sometimes sellers are terrible marketers and do the following to lose a potential sale such as: bombard friends’ sites with lots of ads, ask for friendship without bothering to compliment or visit someone’s site, avoid starting a relationship with their potential customer, don’t support other sellers, and won’t respond to emails when they are contacted.

Trying to sell your own products can be a problem especially if others are trying to do the same. The social networking sites’ owners know this and will disable your links if you are an affiliate marketer or put up warnings of possible viruses to dissuade people from visiting your site. So at times, you may have to mask your links so that you don't come off as an affiliate marketer, but a website owner.  The social networking site owners know that if they allow marketer’s links all over their website's pages, visitors won’t stay at their site for long before they are clicking off and onto other competitors' sites. Owners of social networking sites hope that visitors will click on their Google ads so that revenue stays on their website.  So unless you keep adding new friends and take out advertising on these sites, besides hitting up your existing friend list, you won't really get any noteworthy results.

If a marketer wants to be seen by others, he or she will have to log in frequently to their page and do the following:  keep content fresh, make contact with their network, post blog entries, visit forums, and do other things to get noticed. Some marketers engage their audience with thought-provoking commentary, others survey the public, while other users just leave flattering comments on friend's sites hoping that this will lead friends back their page.

Successful marketers usually have software to help them add friends or use other clever ways to save time obtaining friendship manually. Sometimes using friend adder software can backfire often getting a marketer kicked off a social networking site.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't always about business for most marketers when joining these sites.  There are people on social networking sites who do look for legitimate friendships.  However, when too many people are marketing their wares, visiting a social networking site can be an unpleasant experience for all.  Some users will get angry and report marketers to the website watchdogs. Sometimes other marketers may be jealous of an individual’s larger network and report him or her in spite.

The more contact you make with those in your network the better! A friendly “how are you” email helps. A link back to your website in your forum signature is a great, non-intrusive way to get people to check out your site.  Posting to your wall can generate interest, but remember to limit what you post and have a variety of updates ie.) photos, questions, comments, etc.  One of the biggest mistakes business owners make is mixing too much pleasure with business.  You can do this so much that you eventually offend people.  Unless your business is in the areas of politics, religion, relationship, parenting etc.  then you do not want to post things about your personal thoughts on sexuality, spirituality and the like.  Sure, it's your opinion, but wouldn't you prefer money; rather than a comment from a potential customer which most likely will debate his or her viewpoint on your site.  Before you know it, you have an onslaught of angry commenters on your page.  Definitely a bad move, if you are trying to get new customers, attendees, recruits, and more.  

As for forums at a social networking site, these areas can get tricky if a business owner is not posting relevant information. Doing this can actually get your messages deleted and possibly your account.  Also, if the watchdogs see too many postings, they have a way of slowing you down by sending a warning email, commenting on your posts by making spam accusations, or sudden errors come up in the midst of all your posting. There are marketers who also use software to post to forums as well, but once again be mindful of these programs.

Just a side note, classified ads on these social networking sites can be helpful for marketing, but once again, depending on the product a business owner is trying to sell it can be useless; since many people visiting the site are more interested in socializing then clicking on classified ads.  Remember, most people still visit Internet search engines, type in a particular website address or pick-up offline material based on their needs.

Marketing a business on a social networking site is a great learning experience, but can be a big time waster if a marketer isn’t seeing any results after following a proven system. When you see free ways to promote your business (such as clicking on everyone’s profile page and sending them an email about your product and/or event) is not working, like door-to-door selling, keep it moving or try another method to market your business.

Nicholl McGuire

Check out some of the topics I enjoy writing and speaking about by clicking on the following links. 
Relationship, business, spirituality, and parenting topics here.
Watch my latest YouTube videos here.

New Year's Resolution? None Here

Happy New Year everyone! 

Now just because it's another new year, I'm not requiring myself to create any particular New Year's resolution.  However, I am requiring myself to apply what I have learned last year and do some things that will make my life a little bit more interesting and settled for this year.  Some of which includes: taking care of the basics like relationship and parenting goals, money management and my own personal walk with the Lord (without being confined to church walls and men's twisted teachings of biblical truths.  Can I get an Amen?)  I started changing my outlook in these areas of my life back in 2009.  Then by 2011, I received some life-changing plans.  Everything I did answered the following question, "How do I apply biblical truths to my life each day?"  This year it's time to give birth to what I have been learning.  Notice, I have been in a state of emergency with every change (9-11.)  It is indeed time to come up higher, folks!

There are those who restrict the intelligence of the Most High (I am referring to the one true God) to their inner circles.  They feel like the Average Joe just isn't privy to his wisdom apart from the biblical stories.  But if you choose to have a personal relationship with a being beyond basic human understanding, then you have to know that he is one who always has a plan for your life which is, dare I say it, better than yours!  A man who wants to keep you dependent on him, like a crack head needing a fix, is not going to reveal any universal plan in its entirety or any prophetic word that will lead you away from him!  He will leave those details out!  Why?  Because he needs your money and your service to promote his plan.  He doesn't care about your personal goals.   

Do you really know what the one true God's plan is for your life?  If you take the time to know the Lord, study his word and be open to a relationship, he will reveal his plan step-by-step.  Now what is revealed to you will affect those around you and they may or may not be on-board.  From the politicians to the local store owner, what you do with your time and money affects everyone besides your family.  This is why everyone wants you to stay close to them.  Momma doesn't want to let go.  Daddy wants to keep you around.  Your spouse wants you to stay at home all the time.  Your children want you to play with them all the time.  No one wants or will give you the time to just think!  You have to steal that time! 

The Pharaohs of this earth have ignored God's plagues like in the Book of Exodus.  The little people ie.) Moses and Aaron (you and me) keep telling these kings, leaders and others what to look out for; yet, they continue to act stubborn in their ways.  So sad, but true, it won't be long before they will be wiped out (ie. look at the many different world leaders who are no longer with us to date.)  The same destruction will happen on the national and local levels.  So if you are hurting for money, sell your business and add that money to your savings account.  If you need some debt relief, start making phone calls and negotiating with creditors.  If you are hoping that a dead-end relationship on a personal or professional level will turn around, not now, you have a choice either stick it out or end it.  There is no, "wait and see--things will get better."

Now I am not on this blog site just because I enjoy blogging, nor am I on here, because I get a few cents from an ad, but I am here because I have a calling on my life to write.  I wouldn't know that unless I had allowed myself to be in touch with the one true God.  For decades, I was oppressed by family, school, businesses, other associations, and friends to walk a path that was created for someone else.  I had very little say at one point in my life on what I was supposed to do and say, because of all my brainwashing.  In other words, what I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted.  Now that I am growing older and wiser, I realized that what I had been "buying" into over the years on a personal and professional level isn't what I really wanted.  Yes indeed, it's time for something different to happen in my life and yours too!

As I write, I think of you reader, you probably realize too that you were sold a bag of garbage for far too long!  You allowed people, places, things, circumstances and the like to influence your decision making.  You probably made some poor choices while the atmosphere you were in appealed to your five senses, now you are regretting some things.  But can I tell you, you can get out of your mess and you will!  But you will have to do much such as: read more about the subject area that troubles you, write about it and to those who you need to help you, save and spend money to get yourself out of trouble, and most of all try to keep the peace until your day of freedom comes which means not yelling, slamming doors, cussing people out--just acting like a fool!  When your freedom comes, my friend, you will be stronger and wiser, I promise you that!  It takes one to know one, so the old adage goes!

Sometimes we all walk toward pits then fall in them without anyone around to warn us.  This happens because there is something we need to learn while we are in the pit and sometimes the only way to get our attention to do good is through a bad situation.  As I write, I think of the story of Joseph in the Bible.  But when it is all said and done, like Joseph you will have your day to shine!

Know that there is something beyond the skies much greater than these weak humans on this planet!  You don't have to settle for man's dumb, dark philosophies!  You don't have to agree with everyone.  You definitely don't have to sell your soul to the Devil unless that is what you want but if you have already, you can reverse the curse, but you will definitely have to be on the winning side with the one true God on a consistent basis for that to happen which requires a sacrifice (Jesus performed the blood one already,) I mean all that dark thinking and stuff!

Remember whatever choice you make in this world will affect you on the other side (you do know there is another side after death, right?)  It is up to you to either wallow in the mistakes of the past or do something today to mark your future in the most positive way.

Thank God, not me, for today's inspiring message.

Nicholl McGuire
Feel free to read my other work on these sites:  When Mothers Cry http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com  African American Lifestyle http://africanamericanplanet.blogspot.com Spiritual Poems by Nicholl: Thoughts and Words to Convict http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

You got family drama?

Don't we all!  Whether they call you at work, stop you on the street or knock at your door at home, those people you can't live with, but can't live without will work your nerve, won't they?  So why not read some articles filled with thoughts and solutions on all sorts of family drama at a blog I have had for some time now, called "It's All in the Family" by Nicholl McGuire. Click the following link:   http://familyarticlesbynicholl.blogspot.com  Enjoy!

Back to the Drawing Board...

After years of writing for myself and other websites from home, I spent the summer working as a temporary employee for a bank.  I needed the time and money to be more of a help to myself and others during that stage in my life.  I believe that one must not only take, but also give to others as one's Lord leads him or her to.  It makes sense to me, because the one who created me, knows the future.  Therefore, I will sow seed wherever he tells me the harvest is, capice?

Anyway, I have been reworking old home business plans in my head these days and ridding myself of dead-end so-called home business opportunities.  I am still a work in progress and find that sometimes I tend to get too overwhelmed and excited about little things that just have no place or impact in my life.  I think we are all guilty of this, hoping for things that clearly aren't prosperous and talking to people that can't help us.

I thank you as always for taking time out of your busy day to keep up with me on Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, YouTube and elsewhere, your prayers and support are definitely encouraging and have not gone unnoticed.  You can send me a message at: virtualassistant007@yahoo.com

Lastly, for those of you who followed me on AC and/or Yahoo, you can catch up on my latest relationship articles on my advice blog.

Nicholl McGuire

Visit me on YouTube

Lately, I have felt like sharing more from my previous works.  You can listen to me read from my very own books at YouTube channel:  nmenterprise7.  There you will hear contrast and rhyming poetry about myself and experiences as well as thought-provoking commentary on relationships, life and spirituality.  Enjoy!

Silence: A Place of Peace Will Uplift

Some people are so use to noise that if it is quiet at anytime in their lives, they think that something is wrong.  If no one calls them for a period of time, if the family doesn't have the TV up loud or a radio on somewhere in the home, "What's wrong?" they think.  There is absolutely nothing wrong when there are those moments of peace that come out of no where!  If anything these are opportunities to check yourself, check your children, and anything else that needs checking, then sit back and relax!  This is how I build upon my creative side, I tap into those peaceful moments during the day.

Everyone is okay, you are alive and breathing.  Enjoy your quiet time, appreciate silence, I encourage myself and you with these words.  I, for one, enjoy peace and quiet immensely!  You aren't making me feel comfortable turning on your TV when I come over for a visit.  I could care less about you turning on the radio in your car for me.  I enjoy quiet.  If you don't want to talk, you aren't hurting my feelings, keep quiet.  I think sometimes we are offended when someone enjoys peace a little more than we do.  "What's going on with her/him?  Why isn't she talking much?" We think.  Maybe they just don't want to hear what we have to say, because they need some time to just think.

When we have suddenly tripped up on those moments of peace or created a peaceful atmosphere, keep in mind that if you use your time wisely, those quiet moments in life will bring you out of whatever trial or tribulation you are dealing with.  Maybe there is something you have been overlooking because you have been so busy.  Establishing an atmosphere of peace and quiet in order to solve your problem might help; rather than doing what most people often do, talk to everyone they know, visit every website they can to find solutions, or spend money on yet another problem solving tool.  Sometimes there is nothing we can do to make a problem go away; however, we can gain some energy during those sudden quiet times to face whatever is ahead.  If you are spiritual, you know that sometimes God creates such moments to get our attention, it wouldn't hurt to say, "Okay God, I'm listening." 

Take advantage of those moments of peace.  Turn the cell phone, radio, TV and even the partner and children off sometime, and just relax. 

Nicholl McGuire

 

Audio Excerpts of When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

Some time ago, I told relatives, online followers and others that I would be doing more with audio.  I understand that not everyone has the time or money to read or buy my products.  So I have uploaded some audio on the following site http://chirb.it/2hK6H7  The audio at this site is primarily excerpts from When Mothers Cry, a book I wrote to help new parents deal with the trials of raising a child or children.  I am a mother of four and have been active in my children's lives despite separations and a divorce.  Feel free to listen to the audio here.

Be Careful What You Write...

After writing my books, "Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate" and "When Mothers Cry," I didn't expect that life would be any easier as a result.  These books were meant to be a release of past burdens.  I didn't anticipate major book sales and made no plans to get these books in local stores.  Making money wasn't even on the "to do" list.  What was important to me first and foremost was saving lives.  "If one woman could walk away from an abusive relationship as a result then it was worth writing the 'Laboring to Love...' book," I thought; and if another could walk away from her children before she abused them, then "When Mothers Cry" was worth it too! 

When you write your reality, your truth about any circumstance, it is a given that you will face more challenges.  It seems as if you are tested by everyone you know.  "You should know better, you wrote the book," an advisor preaches.  "I read your book and wow, I didn't know you went through so much, what do you think about...?" the reader questions.  You are expected to know more than the average person and most of all you have now put yourself in a position to help others whether you set out to do that or not.

People want answers to their problems.  This is the main reason why people even bother to read anything that anyone writes.   "Can you solve my problem? Can you ease my pain?  Do you have any wisdom to help me through my trial?"  People want to be encouraged.  There are times when I read my own work seeking a bit of information to help me deal with a dilemma.  I admit that sometimes I forget what I write.  It helps to go back and reflect.

At times, as a writer, you will regret some things you have said or wish you said more.  I can't think of anything in particular that I regret writing, but I can remember how some of my articles made people react negatively and then I wished that they never read them; notice I didn't say I wished I never wrote them.  No matter what my good intentions were in writing a piece, people will not always react positively.  However, there were also those who agreed with my points in some of the same controversial work as well.  If one left a positive comment, then in my mind, the rest of the folks didn't matter.

I advise any writer, like I would any speaker, to be careful what you write.  If you can't say it in person, don't write it!  I have watched interviews where people backed down from what they have said and I wanted to just throw a shoe at the TV.  "Take a stand!  Don't back down!  You know you said it, so stick with it!" There will be those times when someone may push you to speak your truth even when you aren't quite ready, but rather than cave into the pressure, carefully consider everything first.  I have had to do that.  How will what I write impact my future?  Is it necessary to reveal secrets?  Should I talk about everything about a situation or just the revelant points?

It wasn't easy putting my first book together, because I had to look back.  I had to go back and read the poetry I wrote while the abuse was going on.  This meant that everything that happened over that nine-month period in my life had to be relived.  I was irritable and impatient at times while putting that book together.  It wasn't easy putting my second book together either, because I had to be honest about how the people, places, things, and reactions around me affected my being a mother.  Sometimes you step on toes when you think about how people and things make you feel, but like a cauldron of hearty soup needs meat and potatoes, what people did or said goes in the pot.  You might have to deal with readers speaking negatively about your book.  If you are more interested in keeping the peace amongst family and friends when you tell a personal story, then don't write a book.  But, if it means more to you to pen your truth, then do it!  However, keep in mind that you will need to be careful what you say.  You also might lose someone from your inner circle in the process too.

Nicholl McGuire

My Parents are Going to Die, But I Might Before Them

The reality of death sets in the older you get.  For me the realization that one day my parents will die became especially heartfelt when one of them became deathly ill a few years back.  It is almost morbid to mention "death" or "dying" when you are talking to your parents, but it is an all-too important reality.  Therefore, when I realized this hard truth, I began to ponder, "How would their death impact me?"  Well, if you want your parents to be buried with dignity and some class, it would make sense to find out what they have in their financial portfolios to ensure that this gets done.  It would also make sense to find out that in the event that your parents don't die, but just become very ill, where to put them.  You could start this process by asking simple questions about their daily living.  Then maybe another time mention your thoughts on what to do in the event of an emergency, illness or death.  You may also want to talk about assets, beneficiaries, and what might they want you to do if they can't handle their business affairs.  Some parents may be okay with conversations like these when they are broken down over a period of time while others may take offense.  You may have to do your own investigative work, so that you aren't caught off guard if your parents should pass.

After talking to my parents about my concerns, I had a thought that passed through my mind that they may outlive me and if this is the case, then hopefully they will do something nice for the grandchildren in my absence.  I personally don't have much for my children, if I would die today or tomorrow, but I have some things they might be interested in.

Sometimes we are so caught up in routine, that we fail to do a lot of things including making sure that we, us and they are taken care of in the future.  I think too many of us have a "wait and see" mentality.  "Let's just deal with that issue when it comes..."  But whose to say, we will have it altogether when that time is upon us?

I know that lifestyle has a lot to do with how long someone lives.  I also know that there will always be exceptions to the rule, but I have to remind myself that I am not that person who is the exception, so the rules might be different for me.

I have been hearing people say little cliches like, "Think positive..." but it is the negative people who often say it.  It's almost as if they are trying to convince themselves aloud.  However, we can do a whole lot of thinking positive, but that isn't going to render results without us actually doing something.

Death as we all know is final!  When I am speaking with people offline, it seems as if they are more interested in defending their lifestyle choices, their foolish decisions, and other things that are slowly eating away at their relationships with others, their physical and spiritual bodies (among other things) that they are literally running away from the truth!

"This world is not my home, I am just passing through," an elderly person once told me.  So true, and because this is not my home, I am a mere guest trying to be on my best behavior until my spiritual father calls me home.

Nicholl McGuire

Survey Taking: Been There, Done That

Several years ago when I learned that I was pregnant and having some issues mentally and physically with it, I quit my job and decided that the best thing to do was remain stress free during the pregnancy.  However, I needed some money while I waited my time out, so I decided to look into paid surveys.  Now I have written about my experience briefly before, but this time I just wanted to add some things that I might not have shared in the past.

First, I stopped searching via the search engines for survey companies that pay and instead concentrated on a paid service that already did the research.  I found some on Click bank.  This way it saved me a lot of time.

Next, it wasn't that long after before I was receiving numerous offers because I for one was an expectant mom and had other children as well.  There were companies that readily accepted my profile and sent me both cash and rewards for my service...BUT...

I noticed that offers began to slow after having my baby.  Therefore, I couldn't reach payout levels (most were $20) that I had previously.  I began to tire of the emails that requested I complete a survey and then once I began taking it, I didn't qualify.

As I began to learn more about survey taking via visiting forums, looking up words like "scam" and "rip off" along with various company names, I learned that the popular survey companies that offered between $1-$3 quickly reached their maximum number of participants whether this is necessarily true all the time one only knows.  I also found that more and more companies since I started doing surveys were offering point programs for survey takers to pick a prize later; rather than giving us money like they once had.  As for those that were still sending money, like I mentioned before, they set payout levels. 

Now when you really think about survey taking, especially when you see it advertised as a job, you think like an employee.  However, survey taking is more like entertaining yourself for awhile, you get a small reward possibly for doing nothing.  The money is not anything to talk about and your lucky to buy something useful with it.  It also takes a lot of points to get a worthwhile reward. 

Some survey takers I did come across were always getting offers but what they were doing wasn't honest.  They would pretend to have certain interests, change their gender, have multiple accounts, and do other things to keep those offers coming in.  I guess in some of these scammers minds, they were paying the companies back that were ripping them off of their time.

Most of the offers I got would give me $1 for 15 minutes of time.  Others between $2 and $3 for 20 minutes or more of my time.  I had a couple that wanted me to go somewhere offline and I would be paid $75 plus--that is a once in a blue moon occurrence.  A few times I got offers for free movie tickets, coupons for products, and one time I got a web cam in the mail that I could keep just for completing a survey.  It turned out to be a quality product and was made by Microsoft.  Just to be clear, I didn't have to sign up for trial offers that asked for my credit card information either--those are a rip-off!!  Each survey experience was legitimate and I paid nothing. 

In closing, I would just like to remind my readers, don't survey take with a job mentality if you are interested in this sort of thing, because you will be disappointed.  To date, I am still receiving requests to take surveys, but I may click on one or two like every other week--not really interested anymore especially when they tell me each time I don't qualify.

Nicholl McGuire

A Review of Multi-Level Marketing

I have fallen for multi-level opportunities many times over the course of my life for one major reason: the promise to make money without having much to do!

A mother who is already busy caring for her children but needs extra money, a student who is overwhelmed with taking classes but is seeking ways to make extra cash, and someone unemployed who isn’t quite ready to return to the rat race but isn’t busy enough not to make money will all fall into multi-level marketing traps at some point in their lives!

I remember thinking that if I could just help yet another company that the fruits of my labor would be residual. Meaning that I would receive commission checks for the rest of my natural life! The first problem with this money making opportunity was found in the fine print. The more I read, the more I learned that I would have to pay into the company with my own money to make some money!

At first it seemed easy enough, buy products I already use, become familiar with the company’s product line before I tried to sell it, and create a marketing campaign. Yet, I thought that it was kind of unfair that I had to purchase products from them since they needed my help to promote their products.

In the 9 to 5 world, if a company wants your services they are not going to tell you to give them a fee before you work with them. I thought that I should have got something for free if they wanted me to tap into my contact list which was primarily made up of family and friends. However, the independent associates, marketers, whatever you would like to call them, claim they were giving me something free already, online business advice.

There wasn’t anyone coming to my home, all I had to do was log into a site that would answer my questions on how to effectively market their products. So that is what I did. Once I reviewed the products and seen what techniques I would use to market them, which seemed easy enough, I was ready to begin. However, I couldn’t get pass the discomfort I felt that I would have to register to buy a company product each month in order to be entitled to any commissions I would receive from the person I would recruit to my down line. Not to mention, in order to keep my title, I had to keep something I had in mind to purchase on file each month. Other multi-level businesses will use a monthly membership or tell you to get customers to purchase from your site so that you don’t have to buy.

So there I was, just like I did with affiliate marketing, posting my links everywhere I could, within policy of course, to get someone to join. I refused to buy advertising and found every way to share with the public my efforts for free.

At first the results were going well until I realized that the people who registered were not buying anything. They too wanted to collect a commission check without doing much too! However, the top level executives said that it was up to us to encourage new recruits to buy products each month like we did in order to be eligible to get commission checks.

When I got my first check of $21 in commissions, I was disappointed because I spent more than that to purchase products just to get my executive level position. I quickly learned that I would not be keeping any purchase on my account so that they could automatically bill me, because that is what they were doing and at times I would forget and have to scramble to put money in my bank account to keep from having insufficient funds! By doing that, I was changing my status and position in the up line; therefore, affecting the amount of money I could get from commissions.

I finally got a check many months later for a commission less than $10. I didn’t buy one single thing and only promoted my links and I still got something out of it. However, mind you it was months later and the money wasn’t enough for a decent meal at a local restaurant! I also noticed that those that seemed to be doing well were investing a lot of their own personal money to make it happen! They were using gas and hotel money to attend offline events and paying for various advertising methods. They were getting copies of fliers made. They were hosting elaborate events to get others to join. They were also putting their reputations on the line as well by exaggerating personal stories to gain sympathy. Stories like not having rent money and then someone coming along and getting them to join the business were frequently told.

I also found that when I will feel like no one was really answering my questions about the business, someone would be appointed to me that was about my age, race, and gender with a similar life experience offering me something free or taking time out with me to do something nice. Can I tell you that if someone does something great for you in a multi-level business it will obligate you to do something for them in return? I also noticed that when I did well I had many friends and when I didn’t do well I didn’t hear from them. I found that many relationships between family members and friends were strained because people just didn’t want these multi-level marketers coming around them asking them for just one more product to purchase or even worse to join the business with a so-called minimal investment.

Do I recommend anyone join a multi-level business? I would say no. I don’t like the pressure that the more popular ones put on the sales representatives not so much to get people to buy products but to get them to join! I also don’t like the fine print that is sprinkled here there on websites and on pamphlets and by the time they have your credit card number they have already made more profit from a few sales then you will make in months trying to obtain commissions. I am angered at the secrecy that goes on amongst the top level sales people yet we are all supposed to be a part of a team but they won’t share enough with you to help you help them or are you really helping them if you become their equal or beyond?

Multi-level marketing businesses often use techniques similar to that of churches to pull on your emotions to get you to donate! They want you to feel good about giving money you know that you don’t have! If you allow yourself to be rubbed on the back, pulled into meetings, and eventually left alone with your disgruntled family and friends looking at you, then you have no one to blame but yourself!

Nicholl McGuire

How to Surf for the Best Deal Online for Your Money

Birthdays and other special holidays are known for arriving during a time when one has very little extra cash to spend! Therefore, a shopper must be smart and know how to use the Internet to the fullest to get a great deal on a quality present. So what do Internet bargain shoppers know that others don’t? They know how to research! Here are some tips on getting the best deals!

First, get a pencil and a notepad ready to mark down any deals you may find during your search and where you found them. It is very easy to lose track of how much something costs and where you found it. When you type in the keyword for the item you are in search of in the main search engines add other words like “+ free shipping” and other specific keywords that will help you find what you need faster. You can add pricing information, buy one get one free, and other keywords that are usually associated with the product you have in mind.

Next, think of programs you already belong and check for discounts/coupons on their sites first. When you shop sometimes you are asked if you would like to join a special program hosted by the store. You accept and when it’s time to shop for that special gift, you forget about your memberships. One of the first things you should do is check those sites for specials discounts on the items you are seeking. Once you see some of the sales, you may change the item you had in mind to buy, for one similar that could be less expensive.

Third, check online auction sites and Amazon. There are many small businesses selling items dollars cheaper than the bigger stores. If you don’t mind, shopping with private sellers, try one of their sites.

Fourth, visit popular sites known for their deep discounts. Some of the most widely known names tend to have good quality merchandise at affordable prices. Stores like Walmart, Kmart, JcPenny, and Sears just to name a few. When you visit these sites type “clearance” in the search to see what items have been marked down.

Fifth, check local store websites. You may have stores right in your hometown you haven’t thought about and didn’t bother to check their websites either. Sometimes you will find that the store has a better deal online then if you walked into the store. If this is the case, you can print the item out from the Internet and if it is in the store, you most likely will get it for the same price you saw on the Internet.

Sixth, visit comparison shopping sites. Some of these sites will provide you with a variety of store locations for the single item you choose. This is a simple way to see who has the best price for what you are looking for. However, don’t solely rely on these sites, because it is impossible to list every single store in their databases that have the best deal.

Seventh, there are specialty shops that have discounts on shipping and handling or offer free shipping like the larger stores if you spend a certain amount of money. Sometimes they will offer some unbelievable deals because they aren’t as popular as the others. These companies use these special promotions to get people to visit their websites and make a purchase.

After you have done all seven of these things, you should have a good idea of what you are willing to spend, whether or not you will have to pay for shipping, and if you might want to be included on their mailing list in the future. Be sure that the website that you choose has an excellent return policy, has a phone number and email you can contact, and doesn’t have any other programs they may happen to sign you up for when you give them your credit card information. If you notice, many pop-up windows offering you to make other purchases be careful because some of those offers could be the kind that keep taking monthly from your credit card or bank. If you are unsure about any site, place a phone order.

By Nicholl McGuire

My Experience Meeting Men Online

I signed up for an online dating site for singles during a free trial period back in 2005 (since then I settled with one guy from back then.) I wasn’t desperate. I just wanted to try something different, because I had met men in traditional ways that most single women do such as: while walking down the street, through a mutual friend, attending a class, and at a family event. After spending about 30 minutes answering questions about everything from my preference in a man to what I like to do for fun, I had to create a small sales pitch as to why a man would be interested in me and upload my photo. When it was all said and done I had spent nearly two hours online just doing that then another couple of hours looking at page after page of single men. What I didn’t know is that every time I clicked on a man’s profile page my clicks were being tracked. The next day I received so many requests to chat live that I had to turn my speakers off because of all of the beeping!


There were Hispanic men, white men, black men, married men, and God only knows what other races of men flirting with me. “Hey sweetie! Hi beautiful! You are gorgeous!” One married man told me that I was going to make him divorce his wife! So I had to sift through all of the smooth talk and settle on a few men to chat. The Hispanic guy was a college educated guy with eyes to die for! The Middle Eastern guy seemed to be open minded, wanted me to know he loved America, but had no photo uploaded. The white guy told me candidly after a few conversations that he was interested in a sexual relationship and that he would even pay me if only he could do ABC and XYZ to me. I was so disappointed in him, because he only reinforced a known stereotype of why some white men will date black women. What’s funny was we had more in common than the others, but I had to politely tell him we couldn’t chat anymore. I was too offended beyond words.

So I continued to chat with the Hispanic guy who I later found out was from San Diego which was perfect since I was living in San Diego at the time. The Middle Eastern guy was also in San Diego as well. But as we chatted more, I found out that he wasn’t middle eastern he was jewish and from Israel. I asked him to send me some recent photographs.  But he seemed apprehensive about my request.  Then finally he said, "Okay." like he really didn't want to do it.  When he did, I was blown away! He was much older than me; in fact he could pass for my dad!  No wonder he didn't want to send the photos and kept insisting I meet him in person!  I was also sickened to see that the woman he was posing with was his daughter and she was about my age! He followed up with me after he sent the photos and asked me, “So what do you think?” What was I going to say, “You are an old, balding guy who could pass for my dad?” Of course, I didn’t say that, but I was thinking it. Instead, I told him, “They were nice.” He said, “You didn’t like them did you?” I said, “It wasn’t that, but I don’t think you’re my type.” That was the truth they were nice. He had sent photos from when he was in his daughter’s wedding. He would probably be a perfect catch for a woman his own age 40 plus. He became angry. “Well I was your type before you saw the photos.” I responded politely, “Yes, but I have to feel attracted to you.” He became quiet and digressed about the subject, started talking about his business, a print shop that he owned in an astute part of San Diego, and then we were off the phone. I never called him again and neither did he call me. I felt that maybe he thought he was a perfect catch for some money-grubbing young woman, but he had me confused – I’m not that kind of woman!

So the Hispanic guy was the last one standing and I had focused all my attention on him for about two weeks and we were actually having a one of a kind connection. I really thought that one day I could marry this guy – I mean he was just that good! He was articulate, intelligent, funny, and seemed to be doing well for himself while attending college. He was young like I was at the time (he was in his late 20s. I was in my early 30s.) His photos were nice. He had a slightly tanned skin tone like that of a Caucasian with blue eyes. However, I later learned something that his photographs didn’t reveal after meeting him in person. He was very careful to cover the weird shaped head under the baseball hat that was in those photographs. He was also very good about keeping his mouth closed and smiling, because some of his teeth had small gaps in between them (more noticeable than normal.) Lastly, he remained seated in many of his shots which made it hard to determine his height and also hid the size of his belly. I admit I had fallen head over heels in “lust” with his personality and when I saw him in person, the physical attraction just wasn’t there. Yet, the attraction that I had for his intelligence was off the chart! As I learned a little more about him while being in his presence, I realized that I had created a fantasy inside my head that just wasn’t there when I looked into those beautiful eyes. After many years of being on the Internet, I realized at that very moment with him that internet dating is not to be taken lightly. It was obvious he liked me in fact he direct about wanted to have sex with me, but I noticed in his mannerisms that he may have been thinking, “She isn’t my type. Nice girl, but not my type.” I also made a mistake during this date, by agreeing to intimacy with him, then changing my mind, meanwhile putting him and me in a potentially violent situation. I said no, he said yes and one of us was going to be in some serious trouble if we kept on in our mess. I made the choice to carry the burden. After the meeting in person, we no longer contacted one another. This is why I strongly warn young women to not put themselves in a position where you feel you have to say yes. We are saying yes to rape, drugs, alcohol, and anything else when we are in a vehicle with a man alone out of site from the public, at his home, or in a hotel room. Then when we realize we made a mistake, we cry, “Rape.” and then it may be too late. You will either give in to his demands or walk out without an outward scar (but mental and spiritual wounds) for the public to see or fight, get the authorities’ involved, and go through a plethora of emotions. Those are your options. No doesn’t start while the act is going on, it starts before you go with him by yourself away from the eyes of the public.

I eventually did find a guy on the Internet that became the father of two of my children, but can I tell you that if you think that meeting a guy on the Internet is better than meeting a guy initially in person, I will have to disagree. Because if attraction is one of the things that is high on your list of interests when dating men, then you will find yourself very disappointed almost angry at yourself for wasting time. People who aren’t interested in attraction, that physical chemistry between two people, will probably have no problem mentally dating first and then settling even though they know the guy or girl would have never been their pick in person. For them it would be easy to settle since attraction isn’t high on their list and they are already in love with them mentally. However, for me I need the whole package or nothing at all. When the man who became my children’s father, arrived at my door step, there was a white aura around him that I was able to see from a spiritual sense. He had stimulated me not only mentally like the example I used earlier, but he had also stirred my loins! He was actually better looking in person than in some of the photographs he sent me. He told me the same thing when he had met me. At the time I needed someone who I could connect with spiritually and who had an unforgettable personality. I prayed for the kind of man who would make any strong, feminist type of woman, like myself, fall to her knees and say, “What will you have me to do for you?” The kind of man who would love his wife so much that she couldn’t help but be submissive to him, to me, that is a good man!

I encourage anyone who has done everything else but Internet date to try it at least once. You could save yourself and the people interested in you some time and money if you are honest! If you have one child or many children by different partners, say so. If you are unemployed, been in jail, or something else, why not state the obvious. You would be surprised at how many men and women who will turn a blind eye to your past when you take the time to briefly explain and then follow up with how you changed. I will admit that I have been very honest in my past profile and I the conversations I have had with the opposite sex to the point that some of my family and friends told me, “Don’t say that! Why would you tell him that?” I believe that honest is the best policy. As much as we are tempted to think we can control how a person feels about us, the truth is we may get away with it for a little bit, but eventually they will find out and reach a conclusion whether or not they want to be with us anyway. So why not get on the right track from the beginning when you seek your potential wife or wait for your potential husband?

Nicholl McGuire