You might only have one chance to make the right not write impression.
Showing posts with label work at home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work at home. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
What You Need to Know About an Online Project...
If you build it, don't assume they will come.
by Nicholl McGuire
Monday, September 5, 2016
Supplying Content as Needed
These days providing content to requestors as needed from the web to offline print. I am ghost-writing as well as working on my own material. There is a lot to say but not enough hours in the day to do it all.
It's funny how when you are busy, days go by ever so quickly. All I need is a pen and a paper and before long I am on a path of helping others accomplish dreams, break free from toxic circles, and doing what the heavenly Creator advises, "Walk in your calling."
In the words of my business slogan at Nicholl McGuire Media, what can McGuire do for you?
Check out http://www.nichollmcguire.com
It's funny how when you are busy, days go by ever so quickly. All I need is a pen and a paper and before long I am on a path of helping others accomplish dreams, break free from toxic circles, and doing what the heavenly Creator advises, "Walk in your calling."
In the words of my business slogan at Nicholl McGuire Media, what can McGuire do for you?
Check out http://www.nichollmcguire.com
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Ready to Get Started with Your Home Business?
I often come across people in my travels wanting to work from home, so what I have is a micro-blog of some thoughts, Internet finds and other useful information. Feel free to join me on Home Income Study on Twitter. Check out some of my popular posts--to your success! http://www.twitter.com/homeincomestudy
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Work at Home Resources
Is making additional income one of your New Year's resolutions? Well if so, over the years I have checked out the following and am currently connected with a few work at home opportunities found on the sites. Visit these sites if you are seeking supplemental income.
Kelly Connect - http://www.kellyconnect.appone.com/
Qmee - http://blog.qmee.com/
Work at Home Mothers - http://www.wahm.com/jobs.html
Workers on Board - http://www.workersonboard.com/List_of_WAH_Companies.html
You can also check out more at my blog When Mothers Cry. I have a separate page devoted to home businesses. In addition, I have some helpful information on YouTube as well, see here.
Kelly Connect - http://www.kellyconnect.appone.com/
Qmee - http://blog.qmee.com/
Work at Home Mothers - http://www.wahm.com/jobs.html
Workers on Board - http://www.workersonboard.com/List_of_WAH_Companies.html
You can also check out more at my blog When Mothers Cry. I have a separate page devoted to home businesses. In addition, I have some helpful information on YouTube as well, see here.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
More Tidbits about Working from Home
Increase Your Social Presence
There is the person you are offline and then there is the person you are online or maybe you are simply the same both on and off. But whoever you are, you have got to promote your product and service in such a way that people can connect with you in a personal way depending on what you are selling.
When I sold Avon, I got many sales because I made myself available to the public. I introduced myself through word of mouth, fliers and other traditional forms of advertising. Rather than just sell a product, you are selling yourself! What is it about you that makes you different? If I am seated in your presence, what am I going to come away with that is memorable and will make me want to get to know more of you?
Sometimes I used my mother side, my wife side, my "back in the day" side, etc. depending on the day, time, season, connection to sell a product or service for not only myself, but those I worked for too.
My biggest sales came from those who could connect with me. You have to ask yourself, "Who am I online when I am at this forum, hub page, social networking site, etc.?" People can help you determine that based on how many page views, likes, comments and more you are receiving for your best work, experience, stories, etc. Find out who you are and the rest will follow!
Start by increasing your social presence.
Learn more here.
Writing from Home and Getting Paid is Legitimate
I have personally wrote from home and received extra cash to pay some small bills since 2007. I was skeptical at first, but realized very quickly there was potential to make money writing from home if I stuck with it.
I started searching the Internet looking for paid writing gigs. I visited forums, blogs and other places where people either sang praises about certain companies or cursed about them.
So start with forums, then type in your keywords in search engines and then visit some writers' blogs for further insight.
Learn more about my writing experiences and resources on this blog, Nicholl McGuire.
Helpful Resources
How to Make Money From Your Business Clutter | Entrepreneur.com
Business START-UP-GUIDE
Get Money for your Business or Idea | How Make Money, Start Business, & Live Best Life
8 ways to boost your income now- MSN Money
There is the person you are offline and then there is the person you are online or maybe you are simply the same both on and off. But whoever you are, you have got to promote your product and service in such a way that people can connect with you in a personal way depending on what you are selling.
When I sold Avon, I got many sales because I made myself available to the public. I introduced myself through word of mouth, fliers and other traditional forms of advertising. Rather than just sell a product, you are selling yourself! What is it about you that makes you different? If I am seated in your presence, what am I going to come away with that is memorable and will make me want to get to know more of you?
Sometimes I used my mother side, my wife side, my "back in the day" side, etc. depending on the day, time, season, connection to sell a product or service for not only myself, but those I worked for too.
My biggest sales came from those who could connect with me. You have to ask yourself, "Who am I online when I am at this forum, hub page, social networking site, etc.?" People can help you determine that based on how many page views, likes, comments and more you are receiving for your best work, experience, stories, etc. Find out who you are and the rest will follow!
Start by increasing your social presence.
Learn more here.
Writing from Home and Getting Paid is Legitimate
I have personally wrote from home and received extra cash to pay some small bills since 2007. I was skeptical at first, but realized very quickly there was potential to make money writing from home if I stuck with it.
I started searching the Internet looking for paid writing gigs. I visited forums, blogs and other places where people either sang praises about certain companies or cursed about them.
So start with forums, then type in your keywords in search engines and then visit some writers' blogs for further insight.
Learn more about my writing experiences and resources on this blog, Nicholl McGuire.
Helpful Resources
How to Make Money From Your Business Clutter | Entrepreneur.com
Business START-UP-GUIDE
Get Money for your Business or Idea | How Make Money, Start Business, & Live Best Life
8 ways to boost your income now- MSN Money
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
My Experience Returning to Online Selling Using eBay and Amazon back in 2012
I wanted to start back to making some additional money using auction sites like eBay and an online market place like Amazon selling various consumer electronics. Since I had years of prior experience utilizing these avenues in the past, I thought that it would be good for me to return to roots that were familiar. But the game had changed a great deal over the years, and it was actually becoming harder to make some serious cash to pay off bills (notice I didn’t say make a payment on a bill!) So I decided to share some of my experiences selling electronics online.
I opened accounts with both Amazon and eBay. What I didn’t do that I had done in the past was use my personal name to build a business. I wanted to keep personal me from business me and that is why I went with this plan. However, what I didn’t do was create a separate email that wasn’t in my name for PayPal purposes and I encourage anyone who wants to sell online to do this. Also, you will want to do business from a business address and not your home address. Although you may think no one will ever come to visit since many buyers are out of town, that doesn’t mean that they won’t. I read a story where a buyer sent the police to a seller’s home when his merchandise hadn’t been received! A bit extreme, but he got his merchandise without another delay! So your seller, email, and PayPal account should not have your personal name, but a business name and your mailing address should be for business purposes.
The next thing I noticed, was that the fees had also changed significantly to sell items. I took note of the fee changes at both sites and read up on policies to ensure that I wouldn’t be short any cash or have to deal with any violations in the future when I started selling. I also took the time to read what other sellers’ experiences had been in the forums. I quickly learned that many were disgruntled about the fees and that if I planned on selling an item under $10 and hoped to make a decent profit – it wouldn’t happen!
I also checked with the post office on getting boxes, I searched for sales on bubble envelopes, tape, labels, and other office supplies since I knew what types of things I would be selling, and I also checked around the house for anything I could start selling to get me reacquainted with the whole process again and to build up my positive feedback. Since I didn’t have much I would be selling from home, I didn’t bother with accepting those offers that came into the mail for a free postal scale and the convenience of shipping from home. I reasoned that I could use the exercise and a nice walk pushing my granny cart or a stroller with my boxes down the street--that would be good enough!
One of the problems I experienced with selling on eBay was buyer responses. Although they were often positive, there was one or two who may have had higher expectations of what the product should have looked like.
Now a couple of my Amazon issues were damage during the shipping process. So what I did to fix those issues was buy a better digital camera, took more photos of the products in various angles and learned more about using video to help with my sales. I think video is exceptional since a buyer can’t argue with you about whether or not an electronic worked prior to shipping, how it works, the way the item was packaged, or anything else that they can clearly see in the video. When it came to this issue about a product being damaged during shipping, I found that unless you encourage the buyer to pay for insurance, you will be refunding the money out of your pocket. Since Amazon doesn’t have this option, you have no choice but to refund them the money. I also found that if buyers had any remorse about the item, if it didn’t work, they wanted an exchange, or some other problem occurs, if you don’t accommodate them no matter if you suspect they are lying, they can file a claim against you and Amazon will keep you out of business and hold up your money until it is resolved.
It is overall better to have your own website; therefore, you can create your own policies and have access to your money so that you can help other customers. But for newbies, get your feet wet, working with an existing company.
I noticed that you can’t market your own website using these sites unless you place something about your business in the packages that you sent out. This is a key opportunity for you to grow your business and gain repeat business--use Amazon and eBay like they use you! Create professional flyers and business cards in advance and include them in anything going out of your products, services, causes, etc.
Using promotions like "buy one get one" or giveaways doesn’t work well especially on Amazon, because if you have a dissatisfied customer he or she may say something to cause others to not want to participate in your promotion so keeping those special deals separate from your Amazon or eBay business is much better. This way your disgruntled customer will not sabotage your efforts to obtain more business.
Also, feedback can make or break your business especially if you don’t defend your actions. I never allowed anyone to say something on my site without an explanation. I also was careful to have my policies clearly outlined prior to posting my products. So if you don’t accept returns on used electronics say so. If you have a 10-14 business day window when it comes to handling complaints then make that known. I didn’t hide what my policies were and I didn’t change them in the midst of a controversy for my own selfish gain either.
I would definitely recommend an assistant when your business seems to be picking up. Someone should handle the customer service emails while someone else handles the trips to the post office. What you don’t want is one person trying to do it all, because your frustration can easily be communicated in your emails to your customers. You also don’t want to start this business with no emergency money in your account. For instance, let’s say that you have to refund a customer, exchange a product, and purchase additional items which all of these things happened to me all at the same time, mind you! If you don’t have any money put away from these kinds of unexpected issues, it can set your business back, so be prepared for those sudden surprises!
Lastly, be sure you know how to determine your profit for tax purposes. You may realize that after you do the math on the fees, the supplies, and the product itself that there is no profit left over, if so then you'll want to cut your losses early and try another product to sell. It is very easy to get so many orders in for something that you lose sight of your credits and debits. I remember one product I sold I was able to make a decent profit the first day I posted it, but by the next day I was losing money! That happens so often on the Internet, because just when you think that you have a great product to sell someone else is posting it for dollars cheaper than you!
To your success!
Nicholl McGuire
I opened accounts with both Amazon and eBay. What I didn’t do that I had done in the past was use my personal name to build a business. I wanted to keep personal me from business me and that is why I went with this plan. However, what I didn’t do was create a separate email that wasn’t in my name for PayPal purposes and I encourage anyone who wants to sell online to do this. Also, you will want to do business from a business address and not your home address. Although you may think no one will ever come to visit since many buyers are out of town, that doesn’t mean that they won’t. I read a story where a buyer sent the police to a seller’s home when his merchandise hadn’t been received! A bit extreme, but he got his merchandise without another delay! So your seller, email, and PayPal account should not have your personal name, but a business name and your mailing address should be for business purposes.
The next thing I noticed, was that the fees had also changed significantly to sell items. I took note of the fee changes at both sites and read up on policies to ensure that I wouldn’t be short any cash or have to deal with any violations in the future when I started selling. I also took the time to read what other sellers’ experiences had been in the forums. I quickly learned that many were disgruntled about the fees and that if I planned on selling an item under $10 and hoped to make a decent profit – it wouldn’t happen!
I also checked with the post office on getting boxes, I searched for sales on bubble envelopes, tape, labels, and other office supplies since I knew what types of things I would be selling, and I also checked around the house for anything I could start selling to get me reacquainted with the whole process again and to build up my positive feedback. Since I didn’t have much I would be selling from home, I didn’t bother with accepting those offers that came into the mail for a free postal scale and the convenience of shipping from home. I reasoned that I could use the exercise and a nice walk pushing my granny cart or a stroller with my boxes down the street--that would be good enough!
One of the problems I experienced with selling on eBay was buyer responses. Although they were often positive, there was one or two who may have had higher expectations of what the product should have looked like.
Now a couple of my Amazon issues were damage during the shipping process. So what I did to fix those issues was buy a better digital camera, took more photos of the products in various angles and learned more about using video to help with my sales. I think video is exceptional since a buyer can’t argue with you about whether or not an electronic worked prior to shipping, how it works, the way the item was packaged, or anything else that they can clearly see in the video. When it came to this issue about a product being damaged during shipping, I found that unless you encourage the buyer to pay for insurance, you will be refunding the money out of your pocket. Since Amazon doesn’t have this option, you have no choice but to refund them the money. I also found that if buyers had any remorse about the item, if it didn’t work, they wanted an exchange, or some other problem occurs, if you don’t accommodate them no matter if you suspect they are lying, they can file a claim against you and Amazon will keep you out of business and hold up your money until it is resolved.
It is overall better to have your own website; therefore, you can create your own policies and have access to your money so that you can help other customers. But for newbies, get your feet wet, working with an existing company.
I noticed that you can’t market your own website using these sites unless you place something about your business in the packages that you sent out. This is a key opportunity for you to grow your business and gain repeat business--use Amazon and eBay like they use you! Create professional flyers and business cards in advance and include them in anything going out of your products, services, causes, etc.
Using promotions like "buy one get one" or giveaways doesn’t work well especially on Amazon, because if you have a dissatisfied customer he or she may say something to cause others to not want to participate in your promotion so keeping those special deals separate from your Amazon or eBay business is much better. This way your disgruntled customer will not sabotage your efforts to obtain more business.
Also, feedback can make or break your business especially if you don’t defend your actions. I never allowed anyone to say something on my site without an explanation. I also was careful to have my policies clearly outlined prior to posting my products. So if you don’t accept returns on used electronics say so. If you have a 10-14 business day window when it comes to handling complaints then make that known. I didn’t hide what my policies were and I didn’t change them in the midst of a controversy for my own selfish gain either.
I would definitely recommend an assistant when your business seems to be picking up. Someone should handle the customer service emails while someone else handles the trips to the post office. What you don’t want is one person trying to do it all, because your frustration can easily be communicated in your emails to your customers. You also don’t want to start this business with no emergency money in your account. For instance, let’s say that you have to refund a customer, exchange a product, and purchase additional items which all of these things happened to me all at the same time, mind you! If you don’t have any money put away from these kinds of unexpected issues, it can set your business back, so be prepared for those sudden surprises!
Lastly, be sure you know how to determine your profit for tax purposes. You may realize that after you do the math on the fees, the supplies, and the product itself that there is no profit left over, if so then you'll want to cut your losses early and try another product to sell. It is very easy to get so many orders in for something that you lose sight of your credits and debits. I remember one product I sold I was able to make a decent profit the first day I posted it, but by the next day I was losing money! That happens so often on the Internet, because just when you think that you have a great product to sell someone else is posting it for dollars cheaper than you!
To your success!
Nicholl McGuire
Useful Tips on Working from Home
Think about journaling each day what it is that you do when working from home. I find that keeping notes and resources near my computer in a neat space keeps me on task. I avoid spending much time doing other things when I see what needs to be done right in front of me (ie. talking on the phone, surfing the Internet...)
I needed to keep track of all my research when searching for home business opportunities, so I created a site sometime ago that has information for anyone who would like to learn more about a variety of home businesses.
I am not one of those people who like to look for just one business opportunity, but I like to see many all at once. When I created my blog, I joined with others to bring my readers some of the best reviews on the web about some old businesses you may already know about and some new ones that you may have never heard of.
I can tell you that there are far too many businesses selling health and beauty products, but I learned that the reason for this is they work. They are saleable. Women drive the market when it comes to buying cosmetics and health-related products.
Home Income Study on Twitter - a site I maintain. @homeincomestudy
Twitter site provides interesting tid-bits of information as it relates to the home business industry as well as some fun things offered periodically from our partner sites! Feel free to follow us today!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Does Anyone Have a Glass of Focus?
I could sure use a glass of focus! What I mean is a plan that helps me to stay focused and yields some noteworthy results! It's hard to stay committed to one thing when everytime you look up the Internet is changing. Marketing practices only a few years ago are now ineffective. Things that use to be hot to sell online is now over saturated and so cheap that you can't make a profit. As much as I would like to find just one simple thing that I could focus on, I find that my focus changes because the money or lack thereof keeps changing.
I am open to many legitimate ways to make money, but as some of you already know, and as I mentioned in a previous blog entry, not all of the ways are profitable. Case in point, a relative asked me to look at three websites for ways to make additional money. I found that two out of the three ways showed promised. The third a site that allows you to comment on websites for cash, failed after the first test. The server didn't respond, the software didn't work the first go round, etc.
The other two, a site that supposedly pays you for writing for them gave me the feeling that it was going to be one of those sites that demanded too much for too little pay. The other I didn't meet the criteria. It was a site that will pay you to Twitter about various advertisers. Once I get a large following on Twitter I will explore this opportunity.
I think tomorrow I will stick to one thing and that is just what I started to do today and that is finish my book! Cheers to focus!
Nicholl McGuire
http://associatecontent.com/nichollmcguire
I am open to many legitimate ways to make money, but as some of you already know, and as I mentioned in a previous blog entry, not all of the ways are profitable. Case in point, a relative asked me to look at three websites for ways to make additional money. I found that two out of the three ways showed promised. The third a site that allows you to comment on websites for cash, failed after the first test. The server didn't respond, the software didn't work the first go round, etc.
The other two, a site that supposedly pays you for writing for them gave me the feeling that it was going to be one of those sites that demanded too much for too little pay. The other I didn't meet the criteria. It was a site that will pay you to Twitter about various advertisers. Once I get a large following on Twitter I will explore this opportunity.
I think tomorrow I will stick to one thing and that is just what I started to do today and that is finish my book! Cheers to focus!
Nicholl McGuire
http://associatecontent.com/nichollmcguire
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Are Secrets Destroying Your Relationship? What to Do About Them.
Someone knows something about you that you don’t want your partner to know. You know you should have told him or her by now; but you don’t want to because you fear what he or she may think of you if they knew the truth, so you continue to lie or don’t say anything at all.
It may have been a scar on your body that you lied about, an experience that you told them but left out the details, or something that you did in the past that you regret. Whatever the secret, if it is killing your peace, stealing your joy, or destroying your relationship, then it is something that has to be said and you will just have to deal with the consequences as they come up.
People lie out of fear and they make up excuses when they don’t want to bother with the truth. “I told you this lie, because I was scared you would break up with me.” The reality is that a person will more likely break up with you because you didn’t just come out with the truth and kept the lie going. It is never too late to tell the truth, but if and when you do, prepare yourself for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Too many people have a false hope when it comes to a secret-- the hope that no one will ever find out about it. But as we see someone always finds out as long as there is someone living to talk about it or evidence circulating about it. That is why in the movies the snitch is murdered and the object of discussion is destroyed. But such drastic measures need not happen when the truth is told right from the very beginning. There is a way to tell the truth and relieve your conscience without saying anything and the following information will help you do just that.
Some people will purposely leave information behind so that someone else tells what happens. Others will tell a big mouth in the hopes that they will tell whoever needs to be told or they may write an anonymous letter. Strangers can be some secretive people’s best friends by being there to listen. They are able to find the peace they need when they confide in someone who isn’t involved and doesn’t know them.
Another way to tell your truth is by leaving circumstances and events open to question. For example, you can tell just enough about an incident and leave it open to interpretation usually leaning toward the truth. The person listening can read between the lines if they are smart enough. If it is too embarrassing even for them, they may have learned of the secret, but never say a word. I think of media outlets like the National Enquirer, they wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t some celebrity’s assistant, family member or friend feeding them with secrets. Who knows maybe this is why many celebrities don’t bother to sue, because they know it all isn’t a lie?
You may be giving yourself a hard time about someone finding out about your secret or maybe someone else is giving you stress about someone finding out, but if it is killing what matters the most to you then rid yourself of it and try using some of the ways that were explained to you. Because if you don’t, you will find yourself creating more lies to cover up lies.
Once you have made up in your mind how you will expose your secret, have thought about all of the consequences as a result, go ahead and show or tell your truth. Just like a teacher assigns a child a “show and tell” assignment in school, you will have to be prepared to show or tell your secret. Avoid the temptation to lie again and if you find yourself doing it, tell the person, “I’m sorry, let me try this again…this is what I really meant…no what I just said is incorrect…” If you fear the person may act violent, don’t be around when they find out your secret. If you rely on the person for food, money, and shelter then wait until you have these things before you tell them anything. You don’t want to be put out on the street. If you have children with this person, be sure you know what to do if they should threaten to take your children away from you because of the secret. If you know you have done or said something that may help in a criminal investigation then be sure to have a support system around you such as a lawyer, clergy, and family.
There are those secrets that may be related to employment. If so, don’t say anything unless you have another job. You don’t want to do the right thing and then find that you are without a job. Exposing a secret has to be well thought out, timed appropriately and all options must be exhausted. People get into heaps of trouble when they don’t consider who may get hurt and what may happen as a result of exposing a secret that affects them or someone else.
When you expose a secret that is bringing you or someone you love much pain and grief, you will feel a peace in spite of the consequences. You will wonder what took you so long. In time, you will find that you are acting different. There will be those bouts that you will wish you had never said anything, but then you will remember the peace of having finally told. Even if you don’t feel comfortable in your decision initially, think of the person who may be helped as a result. Of course, if you have told lies to cover up your secret, you will have to earn their trust again.
Think of the many people who have told their stories of sexual and physical abuse, things they saw, what they heard and how their stories helped so many including themselves. If we all kept everything to ourselves and said nothing, then we would all die with broken hearts having helped no one. I thank God for those people who came before me and shared their terrible secrets, if it wasn’t for their courage, I would have never been able to face my own challenges.
Sometimes when people carry secrets they may not realize that what is so important to them may not matter to the person who loves them. If someone truly loves you, then they will walk through the fire with you. If you look at the benefit of having a secret and eventually tell it, you will find that it is a test on whether or not a relationship was meant to be. If this person who claims that they love you can’t handle a little secret, then what makes you think they will be able to handle even bigger challenges in the future? You may have to re-evaluate whether you want this person to continue to be a part of your life.
Finally, there are those secrets that don’t help anyone and those are better left being buried with you when you die.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
It may have been a scar on your body that you lied about, an experience that you told them but left out the details, or something that you did in the past that you regret. Whatever the secret, if it is killing your peace, stealing your joy, or destroying your relationship, then it is something that has to be said and you will just have to deal with the consequences as they come up.
People lie out of fear and they make up excuses when they don’t want to bother with the truth. “I told you this lie, because I was scared you would break up with me.” The reality is that a person will more likely break up with you because you didn’t just come out with the truth and kept the lie going. It is never too late to tell the truth, but if and when you do, prepare yourself for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Too many people have a false hope when it comes to a secret-- the hope that no one will ever find out about it. But as we see someone always finds out as long as there is someone living to talk about it or evidence circulating about it. That is why in the movies the snitch is murdered and the object of discussion is destroyed. But such drastic measures need not happen when the truth is told right from the very beginning. There is a way to tell the truth and relieve your conscience without saying anything and the following information will help you do just that.
Some people will purposely leave information behind so that someone else tells what happens. Others will tell a big mouth in the hopes that they will tell whoever needs to be told or they may write an anonymous letter. Strangers can be some secretive people’s best friends by being there to listen. They are able to find the peace they need when they confide in someone who isn’t involved and doesn’t know them.
Another way to tell your truth is by leaving circumstances and events open to question. For example, you can tell just enough about an incident and leave it open to interpretation usually leaning toward the truth. The person listening can read between the lines if they are smart enough. If it is too embarrassing even for them, they may have learned of the secret, but never say a word. I think of media outlets like the National Enquirer, they wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t some celebrity’s assistant, family member or friend feeding them with secrets. Who knows maybe this is why many celebrities don’t bother to sue, because they know it all isn’t a lie?
You may be giving yourself a hard time about someone finding out about your secret or maybe someone else is giving you stress about someone finding out, but if it is killing what matters the most to you then rid yourself of it and try using some of the ways that were explained to you. Because if you don’t, you will find yourself creating more lies to cover up lies.
Once you have made up in your mind how you will expose your secret, have thought about all of the consequences as a result, go ahead and show or tell your truth. Just like a teacher assigns a child a “show and tell” assignment in school, you will have to be prepared to show or tell your secret. Avoid the temptation to lie again and if you find yourself doing it, tell the person, “I’m sorry, let me try this again…this is what I really meant…no what I just said is incorrect…” If you fear the person may act violent, don’t be around when they find out your secret. If you rely on the person for food, money, and shelter then wait until you have these things before you tell them anything. You don’t want to be put out on the street. If you have children with this person, be sure you know what to do if they should threaten to take your children away from you because of the secret. If you know you have done or said something that may help in a criminal investigation then be sure to have a support system around you such as a lawyer, clergy, and family.
There are those secrets that may be related to employment. If so, don’t say anything unless you have another job. You don’t want to do the right thing and then find that you are without a job. Exposing a secret has to be well thought out, timed appropriately and all options must be exhausted. People get into heaps of trouble when they don’t consider who may get hurt and what may happen as a result of exposing a secret that affects them or someone else.
When you expose a secret that is bringing you or someone you love much pain and grief, you will feel a peace in spite of the consequences. You will wonder what took you so long. In time, you will find that you are acting different. There will be those bouts that you will wish you had never said anything, but then you will remember the peace of having finally told. Even if you don’t feel comfortable in your decision initially, think of the person who may be helped as a result. Of course, if you have told lies to cover up your secret, you will have to earn their trust again.
Think of the many people who have told their stories of sexual and physical abuse, things they saw, what they heard and how their stories helped so many including themselves. If we all kept everything to ourselves and said nothing, then we would all die with broken hearts having helped no one. I thank God for those people who came before me and shared their terrible secrets, if it wasn’t for their courage, I would have never been able to face my own challenges.
Sometimes when people carry secrets they may not realize that what is so important to them may not matter to the person who loves them. If someone truly loves you, then they will walk through the fire with you. If you look at the benefit of having a secret and eventually tell it, you will find that it is a test on whether or not a relationship was meant to be. If this person who claims that they love you can’t handle a little secret, then what makes you think they will be able to handle even bigger challenges in the future? You may have to re-evaluate whether you want this person to continue to be a part of your life.
Finally, there are those secrets that don’t help anyone and those are better left being buried with you when you die.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
Thursday, October 16, 2008
How Do You Know Your Boyfriend is Lying to You?
Whether you are in a new relationship or still trying to figure out an old one, chances are you either have been lied to or suspect your mate is lying to you again, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this article. To determine whether your mate is being honest with you the next time you question him or her, you will want to pay attention to the following signs. Although these clues may vary with some people, they are very popular with most liars.
Let's begin with one common tactic used by liars. You have approached him or her with a question followed by proof. He or she is obviously upset that you found out the truth. They will look for reasons to find faults with you also known as shifting blame. "Well if you hadn't went through my things we wouldn't be arguing? It's because of your insecurity is why I did what I did."
A softer tactic a liar will use to get off the hot seat is the all important phone call, meeting, or some other event. "Can this wait? I really have to go." In addition, they may even throw in a quick, "You know I love you and you are the only one for me."
Other distractions are touching, making jokes, coming up with a sudden emergency, or making up similar excuses to get away from you, so that it allows them time to assess the situation and come up with another lie to cover up the one you just found out.
Liars will easily become defensive by accusing you of "wanting to pick a fight" or another good one "What's with all the questions?" This is another attempt to buy some time to come up with a good story.
The wild, wide-eyed look is a great Kodak moment. They are trying to figure out what all do you really know. They are obviously in shock that you were smart enough to figure out their lie.
Bill Clinton used this next one. It's called "deny everything." Deny you were there, said it, or did it, and anything else you can deny. The liar's goal is to make you feel as if you are crazy and second-guess what you thought you heard or saw. Don't try to talk yourself out of what you know, he or she is guilty. Listen to your gut.
Liars feel like you are attacking them when you ask probing questions, so they will attack back. "Where were you last week when I called? Do I ask you about the people you talk to on the phone?" They may even call you a name or two just to get you off their back.
Without proof, what's the use in asking a liar questions, right? Maybe you don't want to reveal how you found out at least not at that moment. If you tell him or her that you can prove they are lying, they will encourage you to show your proof. The liar would like to call your bluff. When they see you are not bluffing, be prepared to hear another lie. They will discredit the proof or ask you how you got your information. Don't ever tell them exactly how you got anything! If you intend to stay with them a little while longer, you will want to follow up on a later date to see if they have developed a new habit like telling the truth. The liar will be more careful next time if you reveal all your secrets.
Some liars will have a quirky smile on their face. It isn't meant to be positive, it's really a frown turned upside down-a look of getting caught. Following the smile, the eyes will drop to the floor or look away from you.
There is the all-important pause after the question was asked or the "I didn't hear you" act. There is nothing wrong with his or her hearing; they heard you the first time. They just need the time to think like with all the other tactics. While they are pausing as they speak, watch how the eyes are looking away or down to the floor again, thinking of "What should I say?"
In summary, when a liar has been busted. Remember to first watch the facial expression. Facial muscles will either tense up or drop. The look is sorrowful or sad. Then gradually his or her mood will become angry. For temperamental people they will skip feeling sad and go right into the emotional anger outburst. Next, the liar will find an excuse to avoid talking about it further. They will not want to look at your face; instead they look down or away from you. The liar will make up a story to cover up the lie told. Some liars will tell only part of the truth and later come back asking for your forgiveness. Liars will want to try to make up immediately. From sex to gift giving, whatever makes you happy. Lastly, they will promise they won't do it again. However, old habits die hard so expect to be lied to again until they grow tired of getting busted.
Here's where many people who find out they have been lied to make mistakes. They continue to act as if everything is okay after the confrontation. In the beginning, you may have been angry, sad, or tearful, but you got over it and acted as if all was forgotten. You never held them accountable for their actions, nor did you follow up to see if he or she is telling you the truth. You are sold on their promises to never do it again.
Some victims of liars become obsessed with finding out more information and begin to nag their mates about everything. The key to healing is to know what you will do if they do it again. Give he or she the benefit of the doubt, but protect your heart by not being so trusting. If you don't have peace in the relationship, it will turn into a vicious cycle of break up to make up. Do you really want that circus in your life? If you know there is no hope for change, don't stick around. However, if you know there is some hope, then forgive and try to forget by not bringing their fault back up to them. Liars will confide in the one who they cheated with, a friend or family member with some of your relationship problems, but they will not tell them the whole story. Eventually when you have had enough of the endless cycle of make up to break up over lies, you will be sending him or her their walking papers. Although you may or may not ever find out the whole truth, whatever you do, embrace what you have found out and use it to set you free.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
Let's begin with one common tactic used by liars. You have approached him or her with a question followed by proof. He or she is obviously upset that you found out the truth. They will look for reasons to find faults with you also known as shifting blame. "Well if you hadn't went through my things we wouldn't be arguing? It's because of your insecurity is why I did what I did."
A softer tactic a liar will use to get off the hot seat is the all important phone call, meeting, or some other event. "Can this wait? I really have to go." In addition, they may even throw in a quick, "You know I love you and you are the only one for me."
Other distractions are touching, making jokes, coming up with a sudden emergency, or making up similar excuses to get away from you, so that it allows them time to assess the situation and come up with another lie to cover up the one you just found out.
Liars will easily become defensive by accusing you of "wanting to pick a fight" or another good one "What's with all the questions?" This is another attempt to buy some time to come up with a good story.
The wild, wide-eyed look is a great Kodak moment. They are trying to figure out what all do you really know. They are obviously in shock that you were smart enough to figure out their lie.
Bill Clinton used this next one. It's called "deny everything." Deny you were there, said it, or did it, and anything else you can deny. The liar's goal is to make you feel as if you are crazy and second-guess what you thought you heard or saw. Don't try to talk yourself out of what you know, he or she is guilty. Listen to your gut.
Liars feel like you are attacking them when you ask probing questions, so they will attack back. "Where were you last week when I called? Do I ask you about the people you talk to on the phone?" They may even call you a name or two just to get you off their back.
Without proof, what's the use in asking a liar questions, right? Maybe you don't want to reveal how you found out at least not at that moment. If you tell him or her that you can prove they are lying, they will encourage you to show your proof. The liar would like to call your bluff. When they see you are not bluffing, be prepared to hear another lie. They will discredit the proof or ask you how you got your information. Don't ever tell them exactly how you got anything! If you intend to stay with them a little while longer, you will want to follow up on a later date to see if they have developed a new habit like telling the truth. The liar will be more careful next time if you reveal all your secrets.
Some liars will have a quirky smile on their face. It isn't meant to be positive, it's really a frown turned upside down-a look of getting caught. Following the smile, the eyes will drop to the floor or look away from you.
There is the all-important pause after the question was asked or the "I didn't hear you" act. There is nothing wrong with his or her hearing; they heard you the first time. They just need the time to think like with all the other tactics. While they are pausing as they speak, watch how the eyes are looking away or down to the floor again, thinking of "What should I say?"
In summary, when a liar has been busted. Remember to first watch the facial expression. Facial muscles will either tense up or drop. The look is sorrowful or sad. Then gradually his or her mood will become angry. For temperamental people they will skip feeling sad and go right into the emotional anger outburst. Next, the liar will find an excuse to avoid talking about it further. They will not want to look at your face; instead they look down or away from you. The liar will make up a story to cover up the lie told. Some liars will tell only part of the truth and later come back asking for your forgiveness. Liars will want to try to make up immediately. From sex to gift giving, whatever makes you happy. Lastly, they will promise they won't do it again. However, old habits die hard so expect to be lied to again until they grow tired of getting busted.
Here's where many people who find out they have been lied to make mistakes. They continue to act as if everything is okay after the confrontation. In the beginning, you may have been angry, sad, or tearful, but you got over it and acted as if all was forgotten. You never held them accountable for their actions, nor did you follow up to see if he or she is telling you the truth. You are sold on their promises to never do it again.
Some victims of liars become obsessed with finding out more information and begin to nag their mates about everything. The key to healing is to know what you will do if they do it again. Give he or she the benefit of the doubt, but protect your heart by not being so trusting. If you don't have peace in the relationship, it will turn into a vicious cycle of break up to make up. Do you really want that circus in your life? If you know there is no hope for change, don't stick around. However, if you know there is some hope, then forgive and try to forget by not bringing their fault back up to them. Liars will confide in the one who they cheated with, a friend or family member with some of your relationship problems, but they will not tell them the whole story. Eventually when you have had enough of the endless cycle of make up to break up over lies, you will be sending him or her their walking papers. Although you may or may not ever find out the whole truth, whatever you do, embrace what you have found out and use it to set you free.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
Monday, October 13, 2008
How to Avoid Insecure Women Friends: Beautiful People with Low Self-Esteem
"You were destined to be great! Beautiful, smart, unique, talented and you will never have a problem getting your foot in anyone's door!" Some of you may have received similar compliments from well-meaning family, friends and strangers. You may know this about yourself, so you may take it like a grain of salt. However, some of you may not know this, and that is why this article is being written. Beautiful people with low self-esteem are targets for some unattractive people who are insecure. They hope to befriend you to get what they want! Hence, the expression, beauty can be a blessing and a curse.
Over the years you may have been friends with the ugly guy, the fat girl, the boy with the acne, the girl with the freckles and everyone else in between. Back when you were in elementary and high school you may not have thought too much about these people other than the fact that they were teased and you pitied them. You may have been one of the ugly ducklings that grew up to be a beautiful swan. With all that said, you may not have realized how attractive you were until the guys started telling you how nice looking you were and the girls around you started acting envious. Now if you were use to hanging out with the not-so attractive crowd, the attention you were receiving from people could have been a turn off or a turn on, but lurking underneath it all you knew you had secretly struggled with your own self-esteem. Years later you still struggle.
While you think you are not pretty to the rest of the world, the ugly people know different and that is why some of those annoying, jealous, and insecure women have been approaching you over the years. For the purpose of this article let's define ugly as you see it. Physically not appealing, bad personality, loud mouth, angry whatever you consider to be unattractive. Now you mustn't confuse the ugly woman with the unattractive women who have no problem with their self-esteem, but are simply looking for a good friend. The sincerely good-hearted, unattractive woman will not seem desperate, annoying or overbearing. She doesn't need you or what you have, she is confident in who she is and if anything, you may be able to benefit from her. This is not the type of woman this article references. However, the ugly woman on the inside and out is who this article is about and you know her. She is in your circle of friends and you are trying to get her out. She was your yesteryear's mistake, the one you befriended when you couldn't wait for the right friend to come along, similar to your past boyfriends, but that is another article.
The ugly woman knows what you are and how she can benefit from you even if you don't. She noticed you from afar like the man staring at you from a distance hoping to get your name and phone number. She invites herself into your personal space with a conversation starter. A simple complaint about something, a compliment on the way you look, a tidbit of office gossip, or other statements. You entertain her with a response and then over time you seem to bump into her where ever you go, at the office, where you live, at school, shopping or some event. (Now everyone you bump into isn't meant to be your friend as you have learned the hard way.) When the ugly woman sees you again, you may be with a relative, friend, your children or alone and now she has even more to talk about. "Oh this is your son. You must be the sister. Wow you must be the husband." At first her approach seems ordinary, matter of fact, nothing special, and you don't think twice about this insecure woman. Then she begins her requests of "let's do lunch, give me your phone number, I know a great place we could go to..." So you take her up on her offer and you find that she is a really nice person. You enjoy her company and she seems to enjoy you until...
She starts calling you too often, dropping by unannounced, showing up unexpectedly at places you frequent, and complimenting you far too many times than you can handle. "You are always dressed so nice. Your hair is so cute. Your figure is nice, I wish I was that small. You have a great shape. You are beautiful you can have any man you want." What started out as nice compliments have become overwhelming and you are beginning to question if this woman is sexually attracted to you, insecure, lonely, jealous and/or confused. Most likely, she is insecure. Think about how many times you went out with her and how many men looked at her as compared to you? When you showed up wearing something new what did her eyes say, not her mouth? What about when you ordered more food than she did at the restaurant, how did she react? When you offered to do some physical activity together like take a walk, did she object? How about when you bought her something nice or offered her money, how did she react to your gift? When she calls you on the phone and you are not available to answer her call, what does she say? How often does she contact you or visit? If your answer to any of these questions makes you feel uncomfortable, chances are you have an insecure woman in your life and sometimes these kind of women aren't easy to let go.
You may be growing tired of her and have told her in so many ways, yet she just doesn't seem to get the message. Other people may have noticed things about her that make them feel uncomfortable too. The "I don't want to be a b*tch" girl inside of you may have dismissed what they said by making excuses for her actions, "My friend is just lonely, she needs a friend. Look at her, she isn't that pretty, etc." However, while you are trying to justify her irrational, controlling behavior, she is growing weary of your friendship too, because she is no longer getting what she wants from you. Maybe she enjoyed riding in your car, wearing your clothes, shopping, talking long hours on the phone and more. She doesn't know how to let go of you either, so rather than retreat from the friendship she keeps it going.
If you are still ducking and dodging your "friend," then you are at an interesting place in your friendship with her. She may have found someone else to annoy who may know you. She begins to confide in this person about everything including what you have told her. She bad mouths you, says hurtful things about the way you look, how you speak or anything else that she may be envious about to this mutual friend. Her words travel back to you and now you are left angry, confused and bitter. "The audacity she would talk about me and allowed her ugly self into my life!" Well, if you would have took the time to notice the signs early on, she wouldn't be in your life, now would she? You could have broken up with her similar to the way you ended your relationships with past boyfriends. "I like you, but you are crowding my space. I think we should see other people." Remember those days? So why is it that women don't cut their losses with these insecure women friends? Because you don't want to hurt her feelings. Now look at whose feelings are hurt!? If there is anything you should remember from this article is watch the company you keep!
If you have reached this place in your so-called friendship with this insecure woman, that was your "out" in this friendship. The following are a list of other ways to handle the insecure women friends you have in your life and how to safeguard yourself from ones in the future.
Here's four points on how to handle the insecure women.
1) Don't invite them over to your home or any other place or event.
2) Avoid confrontation by telling them how you feel about the friendship over the phone.
3) Stop using them for anything you may or may not need such as companionship, food and other household products, car, childcare, money, employment, etc.
4) Don't introduce them to anymore of your family members or friends.
5) Gradually become distant. If you talked everyday, make it every other day for a week or two, then once a week and eventually no calls at all.
Here's how to safeguard yourself from an insecure woman.
1) Know what the two of you might have in common before you go out with them. For example, if she doesn't like to workout and you do, chances are she will grow envious of your body shape. If she doesn't dress nice in the public and you do, she may have a lot to say with her eyes or her mouth about the way you look.
2) Don't confide in her about any relationship problems you might be having with your mate.
3) Delay inviting her over your home to meet your family as long as you can until you feel comfortable you really know her. (She may have saw your man first before she saw you.)
4) Study the way she conducts herself in public and particularly around men. If she is a big flirt or tease and dresses provocatively, would you want her around your man and children?
5) Find out if she has other friends besides you. She will most likely give you signs she doesn't by how often you see her wherever the two of you first met.
6) Ask her about her hobbies such as watch TV, read, write, dance, workout, shop, etc. If she has none, keep away.
7) Talk to her about controversial things and watch her reaction. You will know right away if this is someone you can have an intelligent conversation.
8) Talk about general things such as family, children, employment and see if she can hold a conversation about these basic topics. If you find she doesn't have much to say and you are doing more talking, chances are she may have something to hide or may have some challenges about opening up to people. If she isn't looking for a therapist, don't offer your services.
Avoid feeling sorry for people. She may tell you about her tragic life story in one meeting or every time she sees you. If she seems to be so open about it, then she most likely used it with others to get what she wants. No the difference between a testimony and a sales pitch!
Nicholl McGuire writes articles for numerous websites, feel free to connect and learn more here.
Over the years you may have been friends with the ugly guy, the fat girl, the boy with the acne, the girl with the freckles and everyone else in between. Back when you were in elementary and high school you may not have thought too much about these people other than the fact that they were teased and you pitied them. You may have been one of the ugly ducklings that grew up to be a beautiful swan. With all that said, you may not have realized how attractive you were until the guys started telling you how nice looking you were and the girls around you started acting envious. Now if you were use to hanging out with the not-so attractive crowd, the attention you were receiving from people could have been a turn off or a turn on, but lurking underneath it all you knew you had secretly struggled with your own self-esteem. Years later you still struggle.
While you think you are not pretty to the rest of the world, the ugly people know different and that is why some of those annoying, jealous, and insecure women have been approaching you over the years. For the purpose of this article let's define ugly as you see it. Physically not appealing, bad personality, loud mouth, angry whatever you consider to be unattractive. Now you mustn't confuse the ugly woman with the unattractive women who have no problem with their self-esteem, but are simply looking for a good friend. The sincerely good-hearted, unattractive woman will not seem desperate, annoying or overbearing. She doesn't need you or what you have, she is confident in who she is and if anything, you may be able to benefit from her. This is not the type of woman this article references. However, the ugly woman on the inside and out is who this article is about and you know her. She is in your circle of friends and you are trying to get her out. She was your yesteryear's mistake, the one you befriended when you couldn't wait for the right friend to come along, similar to your past boyfriends, but that is another article.
The ugly woman knows what you are and how she can benefit from you even if you don't. She noticed you from afar like the man staring at you from a distance hoping to get your name and phone number. She invites herself into your personal space with a conversation starter. A simple complaint about something, a compliment on the way you look, a tidbit of office gossip, or other statements. You entertain her with a response and then over time you seem to bump into her where ever you go, at the office, where you live, at school, shopping or some event. (Now everyone you bump into isn't meant to be your friend as you have learned the hard way.) When the ugly woman sees you again, you may be with a relative, friend, your children or alone and now she has even more to talk about. "Oh this is your son. You must be the sister. Wow you must be the husband." At first her approach seems ordinary, matter of fact, nothing special, and you don't think twice about this insecure woman. Then she begins her requests of "let's do lunch, give me your phone number, I know a great place we could go to..." So you take her up on her offer and you find that she is a really nice person. You enjoy her company and she seems to enjoy you until...
She starts calling you too often, dropping by unannounced, showing up unexpectedly at places you frequent, and complimenting you far too many times than you can handle. "You are always dressed so nice. Your hair is so cute. Your figure is nice, I wish I was that small. You have a great shape. You are beautiful you can have any man you want." What started out as nice compliments have become overwhelming and you are beginning to question if this woman is sexually attracted to you, insecure, lonely, jealous and/or confused. Most likely, she is insecure. Think about how many times you went out with her and how many men looked at her as compared to you? When you showed up wearing something new what did her eyes say, not her mouth? What about when you ordered more food than she did at the restaurant, how did she react? When you offered to do some physical activity together like take a walk, did she object? How about when you bought her something nice or offered her money, how did she react to your gift? When she calls you on the phone and you are not available to answer her call, what does she say? How often does she contact you or visit? If your answer to any of these questions makes you feel uncomfortable, chances are you have an insecure woman in your life and sometimes these kind of women aren't easy to let go.
You may be growing tired of her and have told her in so many ways, yet she just doesn't seem to get the message. Other people may have noticed things about her that make them feel uncomfortable too. The "I don't want to be a b*tch" girl inside of you may have dismissed what they said by making excuses for her actions, "My friend is just lonely, she needs a friend. Look at her, she isn't that pretty, etc." However, while you are trying to justify her irrational, controlling behavior, she is growing weary of your friendship too, because she is no longer getting what she wants from you. Maybe she enjoyed riding in your car, wearing your clothes, shopping, talking long hours on the phone and more. She doesn't know how to let go of you either, so rather than retreat from the friendship she keeps it going.
If you are still ducking and dodging your "friend," then you are at an interesting place in your friendship with her. She may have found someone else to annoy who may know you. She begins to confide in this person about everything including what you have told her. She bad mouths you, says hurtful things about the way you look, how you speak or anything else that she may be envious about to this mutual friend. Her words travel back to you and now you are left angry, confused and bitter. "The audacity she would talk about me and allowed her ugly self into my life!" Well, if you would have took the time to notice the signs early on, she wouldn't be in your life, now would she? You could have broken up with her similar to the way you ended your relationships with past boyfriends. "I like you, but you are crowding my space. I think we should see other people." Remember those days? So why is it that women don't cut their losses with these insecure women friends? Because you don't want to hurt her feelings. Now look at whose feelings are hurt!? If there is anything you should remember from this article is watch the company you keep!
If you have reached this place in your so-called friendship with this insecure woman, that was your "out" in this friendship. The following are a list of other ways to handle the insecure women friends you have in your life and how to safeguard yourself from ones in the future.
Here's four points on how to handle the insecure women.
1) Don't invite them over to your home or any other place or event.
2) Avoid confrontation by telling them how you feel about the friendship over the phone.
3) Stop using them for anything you may or may not need such as companionship, food and other household products, car, childcare, money, employment, etc.
4) Don't introduce them to anymore of your family members or friends.
5) Gradually become distant. If you talked everyday, make it every other day for a week or two, then once a week and eventually no calls at all.
Here's how to safeguard yourself from an insecure woman.
1) Know what the two of you might have in common before you go out with them. For example, if she doesn't like to workout and you do, chances are she will grow envious of your body shape. If she doesn't dress nice in the public and you do, she may have a lot to say with her eyes or her mouth about the way you look.
2) Don't confide in her about any relationship problems you might be having with your mate.
3) Delay inviting her over your home to meet your family as long as you can until you feel comfortable you really know her. (She may have saw your man first before she saw you.)
4) Study the way she conducts herself in public and particularly around men. If she is a big flirt or tease and dresses provocatively, would you want her around your man and children?
5) Find out if she has other friends besides you. She will most likely give you signs she doesn't by how often you see her wherever the two of you first met.
6) Ask her about her hobbies such as watch TV, read, write, dance, workout, shop, etc. If she has none, keep away.
7) Talk to her about controversial things and watch her reaction. You will know right away if this is someone you can have an intelligent conversation.
8) Talk about general things such as family, children, employment and see if she can hold a conversation about these basic topics. If you find she doesn't have much to say and you are doing more talking, chances are she may have something to hide or may have some challenges about opening up to people. If she isn't looking for a therapist, don't offer your services.
Avoid feeling sorry for people. She may tell you about her tragic life story in one meeting or every time she sees you. If she seems to be so open about it, then she most likely used it with others to get what she wants. No the difference between a testimony and a sales pitch!
Nicholl McGuire writes articles for numerous websites, feel free to connect and learn more here.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
How to Know Your Mate is Abusive
When a woman first meets a man she doesn't know his upbringing, the company he keeps, what he likes to do in his spare time and most of all whether he has a disease or not. She can only make a determination of the man's character initially by how he looks, his mannerisms, what he says and how he treats her and the people around them. As she becomes increasingly more interested in him, she begins to trust him and will gradually let her "guard down". She will buy him gifts, offer to help him with cooking and housework, impress his family and friends and take part in his interests. While she is growing a fondness for him, he may be ready to have a relationship with her, but struggle with a dark past in the process.
What is in this man's dark past that the woman is not aware? For some men, it is a pattern of abusive behaviors toward women. It may have started when he witnessed his mother being beat by his dad, a live-in boyfriend or someone else. There may have been a time that a woman sexually abused him. Other instances of abuse could have occurred to him by a controlling mother or some other female authority. Whoever or whatever the situation, the man is aware that he exhibits inappropriate behavior with women, but no matter how hard he tries he can't seem to stop. This man may have prayed, visited the local church, talked with friends, read books, saw a counselor, took drugs, etc. but for whatever reason he just can't seem to break the cycle. This unsuspecting new mate doesn't know what she is about to experience with this man unless she recognizes the signs early and gets out permanently.
Every relationship starts off similar to what was described in the beginning of this article. No one really knows what they are getting themselves into until later, but in time the darkness comes to light and it is up to the woman to get out of the relationship as quickly, safely and peacefully as possible. The signs don't always show up right away. When people who have not had similar experiences make comments such as, "Why didn't you see the signs?" or "Why did you stay?" Some women may have turned a blind eye to those signs, been too busy to really notice, felt comfortable with him because a relative or friend did similar things or simply didn't care because they didn't want to date anyone else.
The following is a list of signs to watch out for early in the relationship to determine whether the man has abusive tendencies or has abused women in the past.
Someone tells you or he admits that he has hit women in the past.
He refers to all women he has dated in the past with derogatory terms. He may also refer to his mother using such terms as well.
An extensive collection of pornography and videotapes some of which are violent. He may try to tempt you into trying sexual acts that go against your better judgment. If you object, he may threaten to do them with someone else.
He tells you of abuse he has witnessed or has been a part of toward women. When asked if he has ever sought counseling, he says, "No, I never felt I needed it." He may feel guilty about it and promise that he won't do it to you.
Finds fault with all your family and friends once you have confided in him about them or he has met them. Later, he will use what he knows against you in an argument. (More details on this in point 10.)
Shows up unannounced at your job, home, or places you visit (may lead to stalking). May offer to take you to any of these places on a daily basis so that you may grow dependent on him.
Calls you often wanting to know your plans and in some cases you may have already told him, but he may be checking to see if your story has changed. He expects you to call him wherever you go and will become angry if you don't.
He doesn't like who he is and makes regular references about himself as being "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," and asks you, "Why do you want to be with me?" He will also resort to name calling whether he is arguing with you or "just being funny."
He attempts to control money you have earned and abuses possessions that you have acquired. He often asks for financial assistance, takes over your car and tells you how you should conduct your household. He may encourage you to live with him so that he can further control you.
He threatens to commit suicide when you try to break up with him.
He threatens to kill you over anything from wanting to end the relationship to talking to other men.
When you object to negative behavior he has done in the relationship such as mention he is cheating, caught him in a lie, hold him accountable to a promise, etc. he pushes, shoves, kicks, bites, chokes, grabs, or performs any action such as these to control you. (Note: some men may not do any of this, but will use mental abuse such as place blame - make you feel as if you are going crazy, use sensitive stories you have shared with him to belittle or degrade you, talk negatively about your family and friends to make you feel as if you have no support system.)
When he is angry with you he keeps you in a room with no access to a phone. He may lock you in the room.
If he doesn't like how you are acting around others whether it is being too friendly, talkative or affectionate, he will make false accusations to insight an argument so that he has an excuse to verbally or physically assault you. His attempt is to get you to "behave." Another attempt at controlling you. For many women this tactic works over time, particularly if you are dependent on him financially and/or physically.
When you want to visit with a friend, go out to the movies or some other past time, he oftentimes vehemently objects or he uses tactics to make you feel guilty so that you will stay home.
He will try to convince you that he is sorry for what he has done and will never do it again, only to do it again, and again.
Every man who has a history of abusing women knows the kind of mental struggles they contend with behind closed doors. Recalling when a female authority figure such as their mother was abused or his self. They remember how devastating it was to witness and/or experience such violent behavior during their childhood. Yet, some men rather than handle the pain positively, will encourage the hate they have toward women, using them for their own desires and then abusing them when they don't comply. Without mental help, some men will emulate the male mentors that were around them. If they witnessed a man they looked up to hurt women, then they may do the same things. This is one of the main reasons why women must remove their children out of abusive relationship Many children will only repeat, later in life, what they see.
If you are currently in an abusive relationship and people are calling you crazy for putting up with him, read Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, written by Nicholl McGuire. The book can be found at Amazon.com, Borders.com or Target.com
What is in this man's dark past that the woman is not aware? For some men, it is a pattern of abusive behaviors toward women. It may have started when he witnessed his mother being beat by his dad, a live-in boyfriend or someone else. There may have been a time that a woman sexually abused him. Other instances of abuse could have occurred to him by a controlling mother or some other female authority. Whoever or whatever the situation, the man is aware that he exhibits inappropriate behavior with women, but no matter how hard he tries he can't seem to stop. This man may have prayed, visited the local church, talked with friends, read books, saw a counselor, took drugs, etc. but for whatever reason he just can't seem to break the cycle. This unsuspecting new mate doesn't know what she is about to experience with this man unless she recognizes the signs early and gets out permanently.
Every relationship starts off similar to what was described in the beginning of this article. No one really knows what they are getting themselves into until later, but in time the darkness comes to light and it is up to the woman to get out of the relationship as quickly, safely and peacefully as possible. The signs don't always show up right away. When people who have not had similar experiences make comments such as, "Why didn't you see the signs?" or "Why did you stay?" Some women may have turned a blind eye to those signs, been too busy to really notice, felt comfortable with him because a relative or friend did similar things or simply didn't care because they didn't want to date anyone else.
The following is a list of signs to watch out for early in the relationship to determine whether the man has abusive tendencies or has abused women in the past.
Someone tells you or he admits that he has hit women in the past.
He refers to all women he has dated in the past with derogatory terms. He may also refer to his mother using such terms as well.
An extensive collection of pornography and videotapes some of which are violent. He may try to tempt you into trying sexual acts that go against your better judgment. If you object, he may threaten to do them with someone else.
He tells you of abuse he has witnessed or has been a part of toward women. When asked if he has ever sought counseling, he says, "No, I never felt I needed it." He may feel guilty about it and promise that he won't do it to you.
Finds fault with all your family and friends once you have confided in him about them or he has met them. Later, he will use what he knows against you in an argument. (More details on this in point 10.)
Shows up unannounced at your job, home, or places you visit (may lead to stalking). May offer to take you to any of these places on a daily basis so that you may grow dependent on him.
Calls you often wanting to know your plans and in some cases you may have already told him, but he may be checking to see if your story has changed. He expects you to call him wherever you go and will become angry if you don't.
He doesn't like who he is and makes regular references about himself as being "stupid," "ugly," "dumb," and asks you, "Why do you want to be with me?" He will also resort to name calling whether he is arguing with you or "just being funny."
He attempts to control money you have earned and abuses possessions that you have acquired. He often asks for financial assistance, takes over your car and tells you how you should conduct your household. He may encourage you to live with him so that he can further control you.
He threatens to commit suicide when you try to break up with him.
He threatens to kill you over anything from wanting to end the relationship to talking to other men.
When you object to negative behavior he has done in the relationship such as mention he is cheating, caught him in a lie, hold him accountable to a promise, etc. he pushes, shoves, kicks, bites, chokes, grabs, or performs any action such as these to control you. (Note: some men may not do any of this, but will use mental abuse such as place blame - make you feel as if you are going crazy, use sensitive stories you have shared with him to belittle or degrade you, talk negatively about your family and friends to make you feel as if you have no support system.)
When he is angry with you he keeps you in a room with no access to a phone. He may lock you in the room.
If he doesn't like how you are acting around others whether it is being too friendly, talkative or affectionate, he will make false accusations to insight an argument so that he has an excuse to verbally or physically assault you. His attempt is to get you to "behave." Another attempt at controlling you. For many women this tactic works over time, particularly if you are dependent on him financially and/or physically.
When you want to visit with a friend, go out to the movies or some other past time, he oftentimes vehemently objects or he uses tactics to make you feel guilty so that you will stay home.
He will try to convince you that he is sorry for what he has done and will never do it again, only to do it again, and again.
Every man who has a history of abusing women knows the kind of mental struggles they contend with behind closed doors. Recalling when a female authority figure such as their mother was abused or his self. They remember how devastating it was to witness and/or experience such violent behavior during their childhood. Yet, some men rather than handle the pain positively, will encourage the hate they have toward women, using them for their own desires and then abusing them when they don't comply. Without mental help, some men will emulate the male mentors that were around them. If they witnessed a man they looked up to hurt women, then they may do the same things. This is one of the main reasons why women must remove their children out of abusive relationship Many children will only repeat, later in life, what they see.
If you are currently in an abusive relationship and people are calling you crazy for putting up with him, read Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, written by Nicholl McGuire. The book can be found at Amazon.com, Borders.com or Target.com
12 Ways to be Happy During Your Financial Storm
Back in the good ole' days, you had money to splurge, friends came around often and everyone seemed to be happy for you. Yet, one day, something happened to turn your finances upside down and now all you can do is think of how to get yourself out of this mess. It seems as if the financial storm is lasting longer than the financial sunshine, so what do you do? How do you get past the sadness, frustration, anger and confusion?
The following suggestions may help you cope and if you choose to use them, your storm may not last for long. (As we all know storms don't last for always.)
Put whatever change you have aside from spending money and begin to save. As crazy as it may seem, saving during a financial crisis will provide you with the hope that you need to get out of your situation.
Don't talk to everyone about your being "broke" or "poor," this doesn't help you with keeping a positive attitude. Family members can become negatively affected as well if all you do is complain about your money woes. Research online or in your local newspaper for a free event or activity to keep you and your family's mind off all your financial responsibilities.
Take the time to right down short term and long-term financial goals. Read articles abut the things you hope to accomplish, this way when you do have the money, you will be educated enough to make the right decisions.
Don't lend money when you know you can't afford to. As nice as it may seem, it is probably what aided your financial storm. Always think of you first.
Find everything and anything on sale, use coupons when you can, and most of all avoid impulse buying. Save receipts so that you can keep track on where your money is going and how you may be able to cut costs even more. Go to stores that double coupons and offer free clubs to join.
Stay away from credit cards at this time. Why dig a hole deeper for yourself when you are trying to climb out of it?
Be sure to define what exactly is a financial emergency, if you have alternative ways to get to work, why pay for high price gas? If you have leftovers in the refrigerator, then why pay for lunch?
Walk around your home looking for items you don't need, whether you sell them or give them away, they will be a blessing to someone and as you know good things will come back to you when you believe.
Surround your atmosphere with the things that made you successful in your past. Take out your prized moments and display them on the wall. This creates an atmosphere of positive thinking. Then add to your décor the things that you hope to achieve. For example, post a photo of the trip you always wanted to take, the clothes you enjoy buying and list a charity you would like to give to. Once the money comes in, make your dreams a reality.
Take a break from gift-giving, instead make phone calls or email. You don't know whose heart you may touch with saying the right words, rather than buying the rights gifts.
In all thy giving, expect to receive. No matter what positive things you have done in the past, present or future, someone will do something nice for you, it may not always be monetarily, but whatever it may be, it will be good for your heart.
Most of all, if you have a faith, pray that God will provide you with the wisdom to save, invest and obtain money legally and joyfully. Too often people will look at their situation in a negative light and that only attracts more negativity.
Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/homerevenue.com
 |
| https://workplaceproblems.BlogSpot.com |
Put whatever change you have aside from spending money and begin to save. As crazy as it may seem, saving during a financial crisis will provide you with the hope that you need to get out of your situation.
Don't talk to everyone about your being "broke" or "poor," this doesn't help you with keeping a positive attitude. Family members can become negatively affected as well if all you do is complain about your money woes. Research online or in your local newspaper for a free event or activity to keep you and your family's mind off all your financial responsibilities.
Take the time to right down short term and long-term financial goals. Read articles abut the things you hope to accomplish, this way when you do have the money, you will be educated enough to make the right decisions.
Don't lend money when you know you can't afford to. As nice as it may seem, it is probably what aided your financial storm. Always think of you first.
Find everything and anything on sale, use coupons when you can, and most of all avoid impulse buying. Save receipts so that you can keep track on where your money is going and how you may be able to cut costs even more. Go to stores that double coupons and offer free clubs to join.
Stay away from credit cards at this time. Why dig a hole deeper for yourself when you are trying to climb out of it?
Be sure to define what exactly is a financial emergency, if you have alternative ways to get to work, why pay for high price gas? If you have leftovers in the refrigerator, then why pay for lunch?
 |
| http://www.twitter.com/cashbusinessnow |
Surround your atmosphere with the things that made you successful in your past. Take out your prized moments and display them on the wall. This creates an atmosphere of positive thinking. Then add to your décor the things that you hope to achieve. For example, post a photo of the trip you always wanted to take, the clothes you enjoy buying and list a charity you would like to give to. Once the money comes in, make your dreams a reality.
Take a break from gift-giving, instead make phone calls or email. You don't know whose heart you may touch with saying the right words, rather than buying the rights gifts.
In all thy giving, expect to receive. No matter what positive things you have done in the past, present or future, someone will do something nice for you, it may not always be monetarily, but whatever it may be, it will be good for your heart.
Most of all, if you have a faith, pray that God will provide you with the wisdom to save, invest and obtain money legally and joyfully. Too often people will look at their situation in a negative light and that only attracts more negativity.
Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/homerevenue.com
How to Become a Mentor with a Heart of Gold: What Every Network Marketer Should Know
Another door slams, after an hour in a half of yelling, some of you are growing weary of trying to convince someone you love that the problem they are having with you is their problem. However, if you sit quietly and truly think about what is it about you that annoys them, they will be right and you will be wrong. This scenario is what seems to happen in the end with multi-level marketing businesses.
Someone brings you into a "slam bam thank you maam" relationship and when you call them out on it, they want to silently argue with you by simply not being available or answering you with useful information. Eventually you fall, because no one wanted to be in a long-term committed relationship with you they just wanted to take from you. You have now found an opportunity that makes you a mentor and you don't want to be taken advantage of or take advantage of others.
In order to do this, you must make a note to yourself that you are in the business for a long-lasting relationship and if you are not, then find another business such as direct marketing. With direct marketing, making a profit is your number one priority. The following tips will assist you with analyzing yourself and communicating with your affiliate or members of your team.
Feel free to utilize these tips in other areas of your life.
The most important quality a mentor must have is to be a good listener. When someone comes to you with a desire, a concern, an idea, don't start talking about yourself and what you would or would not do; instead interview them.
Find out how did they come up with the idea, what is his or her concern or where did their desire come from? A mentor, teacher, coach and counselor are one in the same. They are supposed to be servants to society-available to help those in need. They are not to criticize, humiliate, belittle or "talk down." Don't sell your affiliates on products; rather allow them to open their heart to you, later you provide the help, not the other way around.
Be people friendly. Learn how to relate to people from all walks of life on their level. Ask questions about their hopes, dreams, family and reason(s) why they would like to work with your organization. Tell them to post their "why" for joining the business somewhere in their home that they can see everyday. If they can't do this simple task, this is a clear indication they are simply not ready to be taught-move on...don't grab them by both hands and plead for them to stay.
Don't let money be your driving motivation for being a mentor. Yes, you need the money, but that is your reward for helping others be successful. Change your thinking while you're mentoring, tell yourself, "I will be available to someone today, not I am going to make $100 today or I am going to recruit three people."
Tell the affiliate the truth about yourself, why you do what you do. Share your experiences with the business. If there were obstacles, how did you overcome? How are you making money and what are you doing with the money you obtain (Re-investing it back into the business? Saving money for your children's education? Buying a new house? Helping grandma? Tithing?)
Be sure the person you are mentoring understands every facet of the business. Many people don't ask questions or the right ones, put your self in their shoes. Right down all the questions you would have asked about the business when you first joined and have comprehensive answers. Sometimes it is better to forewarn the one you are mentoring of the complications or confusions others may have had with the business and if they run into similar problems, remind them that you are available to assist them.
When you notice a problem with the organization or your affiliate questions things that appear to be "shady," address it with leaders. Don't find excuses to cover problems up when talking to your affiliates. Let them know you are concerned and have spoken to leadership about it. Follow-up with leadership to find out if anything has been done about the concern and notify your team about the changes. Praise your affiliate for making you aware.
Surround yourself with positive people that support what you are doing and encourage your team to do the same. Tell them who they choose to speak to about their goals will make a positive or negative difference in how they view the business. Some people will appear to support them, while others will find excuses not to.
When your team comes to you seeming as if they do not want to be a part of the business, although they are successful at it, be concerned and ask, more like remind them of why they joined. Refer to the note that they were supposed to have posted somewhere in their home listing why they felt they needed to join.
Some affiliates may talk about how lucky another person is and mention they wish they were more like Jane Doe or John Smith, ask he or she, "How are you managing to get to know more people?" It isn't how lucky a person may be; it is how many people, places and/or things he or she may be involved in to bring them that so-called luck.
For instance, if a person who hits a million dollar lottery played only once and won, we could consider that a super natural miracle, but what if someone else won for a few million, chances are they have been playing for years all sorts of lotteries spending thousands. The wider you extend your network, the better your results. Luck isn't random.
The last tip defines the various personality types you are mentoring. If they are very much into their family and friends, then they are caring and you will have no problem explaining to them why it's so important to build a relationship with people in network marketing. However, if you find that the person you are mentoring isn't really buying into relating with people and more concerned with making sales, you may want to remind them of the pros and cons of having that kind of attitude.
Then there is the detailed oriented person who asks many questions. Answer them with clear statements and provide illustrations. You will need to remind them often to get started, because at times thinkers can over think and get nothing done.
As for the fun people, they are open to anything, you just have to stay interesting and keep them going by allowing them to be creative; however, you will have to tell them about the rules in the business, because if you don't they may get you and the whole team in trouble.
Someone brings you into a "slam bam thank you maam" relationship and when you call them out on it, they want to silently argue with you by simply not being available or answering you with useful information. Eventually you fall, because no one wanted to be in a long-term committed relationship with you they just wanted to take from you. You have now found an opportunity that makes you a mentor and you don't want to be taken advantage of or take advantage of others.
In order to do this, you must make a note to yourself that you are in the business for a long-lasting relationship and if you are not, then find another business such as direct marketing. With direct marketing, making a profit is your number one priority. The following tips will assist you with analyzing yourself and communicating with your affiliate or members of your team.
Feel free to utilize these tips in other areas of your life.
The most important quality a mentor must have is to be a good listener. When someone comes to you with a desire, a concern, an idea, don't start talking about yourself and what you would or would not do; instead interview them.
Find out how did they come up with the idea, what is his or her concern or where did their desire come from? A mentor, teacher, coach and counselor are one in the same. They are supposed to be servants to society-available to help those in need. They are not to criticize, humiliate, belittle or "talk down." Don't sell your affiliates on products; rather allow them to open their heart to you, later you provide the help, not the other way around.
Be people friendly. Learn how to relate to people from all walks of life on their level. Ask questions about their hopes, dreams, family and reason(s) why they would like to work with your organization. Tell them to post their "why" for joining the business somewhere in their home that they can see everyday. If they can't do this simple task, this is a clear indication they are simply not ready to be taught-move on...don't grab them by both hands and plead for them to stay.
Don't let money be your driving motivation for being a mentor. Yes, you need the money, but that is your reward for helping others be successful. Change your thinking while you're mentoring, tell yourself, "I will be available to someone today, not I am going to make $100 today or I am going to recruit three people."
Tell the affiliate the truth about yourself, why you do what you do. Share your experiences with the business. If there were obstacles, how did you overcome? How are you making money and what are you doing with the money you obtain (Re-investing it back into the business? Saving money for your children's education? Buying a new house? Helping grandma? Tithing?)
Be sure the person you are mentoring understands every facet of the business. Many people don't ask questions or the right ones, put your self in their shoes. Right down all the questions you would have asked about the business when you first joined and have comprehensive answers. Sometimes it is better to forewarn the one you are mentoring of the complications or confusions others may have had with the business and if they run into similar problems, remind them that you are available to assist them.
When you notice a problem with the organization or your affiliate questions things that appear to be "shady," address it with leaders. Don't find excuses to cover problems up when talking to your affiliates. Let them know you are concerned and have spoken to leadership about it. Follow-up with leadership to find out if anything has been done about the concern and notify your team about the changes. Praise your affiliate for making you aware.
Surround yourself with positive people that support what you are doing and encourage your team to do the same. Tell them who they choose to speak to about their goals will make a positive or negative difference in how they view the business. Some people will appear to support them, while others will find excuses not to.
When your team comes to you seeming as if they do not want to be a part of the business, although they are successful at it, be concerned and ask, more like remind them of why they joined. Refer to the note that they were supposed to have posted somewhere in their home listing why they felt they needed to join.
Some affiliates may talk about how lucky another person is and mention they wish they were more like Jane Doe or John Smith, ask he or she, "How are you managing to get to know more people?" It isn't how lucky a person may be; it is how many people, places and/or things he or she may be involved in to bring them that so-called luck.
For instance, if a person who hits a million dollar lottery played only once and won, we could consider that a super natural miracle, but what if someone else won for a few million, chances are they have been playing for years all sorts of lotteries spending thousands. The wider you extend your network, the better your results. Luck isn't random.
The last tip defines the various personality types you are mentoring. If they are very much into their family and friends, then they are caring and you will have no problem explaining to them why it's so important to build a relationship with people in network marketing. However, if you find that the person you are mentoring isn't really buying into relating with people and more concerned with making sales, you may want to remind them of the pros and cons of having that kind of attitude.
Then there is the detailed oriented person who asks many questions. Answer them with clear statements and provide illustrations. You will need to remind them often to get started, because at times thinkers can over think and get nothing done.
As for the fun people, they are open to anything, you just have to stay interesting and keep them going by allowing them to be creative; however, you will have to tell them about the rules in the business, because if you don't they may get you and the whole team in trouble.
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