On Writing Relationship Articles

I already did the screaming, took the abuse, cried about the lies, and got the divorce, so you didn't have to. I was shut out, ridiculed, falsely accused, and made a public spectacle of, so you wouldn't have to. I have been the sinner and the saint in my relationships. So do I have experience living, breathing, suffocating and dying in relationships, yes!

Did I ever dream that I would ever sit down and pen my relationship experiences in article form? No. Did I ever think that I would get married and have children some day as a child? No. All I ever wanted was a simple life—free of complications, and all I ever got was challenges to overcome—to sit back and analyze, create a solution, implement it, and watch for results. Welcome to a glimpse of my world and most likely your world too when it comes to intimate relationships.

Some of my articles have been painted with a broad stroke, yet there is a lot of detail when you examine closely. Sometimes the work applies to the reader and other times it doesn't. (I still can't understand why some people read work that has nothing to do with them and then will leave ignorant comments! But I digress.) Some of my readers, don't study any art regardless the form whether writing, painting, music, photography etc. so when I write, there are those that see the different art forms including the abstract ones. When they just don't get it and aren't interested in using their critical thinking skills, they will pick up the, “She's crazy, self righteous,” even a tad-bit strange stamp.

Relationships are like abstract art and some were never meant to resemble anything—they just are. They weren't meant to look like mom and dad's relationship, Suzie and Becky's friendship or every other person's family in the neighborhood. I can't explain everything about a certain relationship topic when I write, because sometimes some things aren't meant to be explained in detail, you just have to get out there and make things work for you!

When you read my work, sometimes you will sense my anger, detect my ignorance, witness my truth, but always read my experience with common sense. Some of the advice in my relationship articles is so easy to follow—a teen could do it. Some of my tips have already been done a million times before, but it doesn't mean that we shouldn't keep trying a million times more. I love the readers who say, “I did that already.” Well tweak an old idea, try something different, but do something; rather than, keep reading article after article until your eyes crisscross!

I wish I could please everyone, but we live in an imperfect world and there is no pleasing everyone! So as I grow older, I learned that it's best to walk away from the crowd who gathers around the water-cooler talking about everything that's wrong with someone or something and to avoid taking to heart the comments whether good or bad that say, “Thank you” a thousand times or “I hate you” a thousand more. I have a job to do.

Having a relationship with anyone can be complicated, but I am learning it all depends on the parties involved. If you want to sit around and find fault with a partner, relative or friendship about every little thing he or she does, then welcome complication. If you want to work with these people and find everything they are doing right, then welcome easy street. Bees are attracted to honey and so are people.

One of the worse relationships, besides an abusive one, is the one that you work real hard to do everything right and someone still finds fault with you. Rebounding becomes more and more difficult. First, you reason, “He's having a hard day...” Then you reason, “Well that time it was my fault.” Later, you're asking yourself, “Now how did I get back here again?” So you debate, you use the silent treatment tactic, you rally support from family and friends (being careful not to go into too much detail that will make you look worse than you already look,) and then we are back at square one again in the relationship. We are love-making, “I love you...” with a verbal or physical apology thrown around here and there.

I am learning the older you get, the less energy you have for fighting. It can be challenging having a relationship with someone years older (I have been there done that and still doing it,) because at any given moment this person can look at you and say, “I rather die than fight with you any longer, goodbye.” The energy to stay in the relationship is just not there like it once was and before long you are just sitting at home quiet and alone. Sometimes I wonder about those elderly people, abandoned by their families, I can only imagine the fighting they did in their younger years. It's a thought like this that triggers a memory, then an article and then another and before long I am delving in areas of my own life that people can relate.

I pray that you will find the peace you need from reading my relationship articles. I also hope that the critics will share their experiences too (without the fluff.) It's so easy to sit back and watch the traffic go by, but when it's time to drive in it, some people look for the side streets and back roads. The same holds true when it comes to relationships, there are those that rather not get on the long road toward a committed one, because they think it's just easier to take the short-cuts. But as some of us will tell you, those short-cuts often lead to more drama!

Nicholl McGuire
To read some of my work visit: Amazon Author Central

Are Some Things Better Left Unsaid?

How do you know when you should keep some things to yourself without being a recluse and share other things without looking foolish? There is a fine line between the two when it comes to writing and so I will take this time to explain.

You see, when I write I have my boundaries I will not cross. If I know a person and he or she is in my inner circle I will tell a story using fictional names and in some cases change the situation a bit. I don't feel it is necessary to share specific details about the person I know since the story is all the reader is really after. As for the person who the story is about, they will feel naked, exposed, even insulted that I would actually share such details about their life. Of course he or she would, because they know who I am talking about. At first it seems like a shock, "how dare you put my business out in the street?" But in time it wears off.

I have been writing stories about people since the sixth grade. I will never forget the short stories I use to write about certain classmates and how I would change their names making a guessing game out of who the story was about. Back then, my classmates got a kick out of it. There were times that some people were offended even as young as we were (11, 12), but they got over it. Especially if it meant that a cute boy or girl liked them. It just meant that they would have to dress better, act better, etc. I was selective about the stories I told and not everything was meant to be said. Anyway, as an adult, I know what I won't discuss when it comes to certain subjects and even I have my limitations. For example, I will not discuss a topic I am not completely comfortable. I will avoid subject matter that is so revealing that it could possibly put someone in a mental ward, jail, break up a relationship, or destroy some other aspect of their life. I also won't talk about subjects I know nothing about unless I have specific information from experts to back up what I am saying.

I enjoy writing about parenting issues, relationships, and other topics related to lifestyle. But what I try to stay away from, unless someone specifically requests I write about it are the following: politics, racial topics outside my own unless I have a personal experience, and religions outside of Christianity. The way I see it there are plenty of people who are passionate enough about these subjects that they can write about them.

I personally believe that for every negative situation that has happened in my life, God has called me to share certain experiences that directly or indirectly affect me. I feel that I am called to help people who simply can't speak for themselves, aren't knowledgeable enough to write about issues that affect them, or just don't want to be bothered with the negative comments that come from writing. Oh I have had my share of negative, ignorant, downright bold statements, and even threats as a result of some of the things I have written about, especially having worked as an Editor in Chief of a college newspaper. I believe that reading audience is the worse! They don't spare your feelings about anything! But I have also had some very positive and life changing stories told to me due to subjects I write about as well.

I have also noticed some things that readers who read my work need to be mindful of and that is when you are making comments about the things you read, some things are better left unsaid just like some subjects are better left not written about as I discussed earlier. The truth of the matter is an article cannot cover all sides, all people, all opinions, and all experiences, because if it did you would be reading a book not an article.

The quickest way to show your true ignorance, readers, about a subject is to say something like, "What about..." What about is usually followed by the other side of an issue that has nothing to do with the subject matter. For instance, if the article is about "Things Women Hate About Men," why would men comment that the article is so one-sided? Another concern some one brought to my attention is "Why do you talk about all the negative issues in your articles, what about the positives?" That's because most of my articles are the kind that solve problems. So why would I talk about how everything is wonderful and nice when that has nothing to do with the problem that the article is trying to solve. I usually provide advice in my articles so that would cover the "positive" spin to the article. Take for instance an article on "Why Husbands Should Be more Supportive of their Wives" this would be considered an editorial piece or possibly a self-help work because of the question "why" in the title. Immediately you know from reading this title that there will be many problems listed in the article and what men should do to solve those problems. If you are a man who isn't interested in problem solving in your own relationship, you would stay away from an article like this, because you know at some point it will offend you.

So is everything worth writing about? Sure. But should you write about everything? It depends. If the goal is to help, I find the more detail the better, if you have to protect some of the people involved but still feel the need to tell the story do so! However, anticipate the phone will ring or some one might visit just be prepared to defend your argument!


Nicholl McGuire
Writer