Someone knows something about you that you don’t want your partner to know. You know you should have told him or her by now; but you don’t want to because you fear what he or she may think of you if they knew the truth, so you continue to lie or don’t say anything at all.
It may have been a scar on your body that you lied about, an experience that you told them but left out the details, or something that you did in the past that you regret. Whatever the secret, if it is killing your peace, stealing your joy, or destroying your relationship, then it is something that has to be said and you will just have to deal with the consequences as they come up.
People lie out of fear and they make up excuses when they don’t want to bother with the truth. “I told you this lie, because I was scared you would break up with me.” The reality is that a person will more likely break up with you because you didn’t just come out with the truth and kept the lie going. It is never too late to tell the truth, but if and when you do, prepare yourself for the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Too many people have a false hope when it comes to a secret-- the hope that no one will ever find out about it. But as we see someone always finds out as long as there is someone living to talk about it or evidence circulating about it. That is why in the movies the snitch is murdered and the object of discussion is destroyed. But such drastic measures need not happen when the truth is told right from the very beginning. There is a way to tell the truth and relieve your conscience without saying anything and the following information will help you do just that.
Some people will purposely leave information behind so that someone else tells what happens. Others will tell a big mouth in the hopes that they will tell whoever needs to be told or they may write an anonymous letter. Strangers can be some secretive people’s best friends by being there to listen. They are able to find the peace they need when they confide in someone who isn’t involved and doesn’t know them.
Another way to tell your truth is by leaving circumstances and events open to question. For example, you can tell just enough about an incident and leave it open to interpretation usually leaning toward the truth. The person listening can read between the lines if they are smart enough. If it is too embarrassing even for them, they may have learned of the secret, but never say a word. I think of media outlets like the National Enquirer, they wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t some celebrity’s assistant, family member or friend feeding them with secrets. Who knows maybe this is why many celebrities don’t bother to sue, because they know it all isn’t a lie?
You may be giving yourself a hard time about someone finding out about your secret or maybe someone else is giving you stress about someone finding out, but if it is killing what matters the most to you then rid yourself of it and try using some of the ways that were explained to you. Because if you don’t, you will find yourself creating more lies to cover up lies.
Once you have made up in your mind how you will expose your secret, have thought about all of the consequences as a result, go ahead and show or tell your truth. Just like a teacher assigns a child a “show and tell” assignment in school, you will have to be prepared to show or tell your secret. Avoid the temptation to lie again and if you find yourself doing it, tell the person, “I’m sorry, let me try this again…this is what I really meant…no what I just said is incorrect…” If you fear the person may act violent, don’t be around when they find out your secret. If you rely on the person for food, money, and shelter then wait until you have these things before you tell them anything. You don’t want to be put out on the street. If you have children with this person, be sure you know what to do if they should threaten to take your children away from you because of the secret. If you know you have done or said something that may help in a criminal investigation then be sure to have a support system around you such as a lawyer, clergy, and family.
There are those secrets that may be related to employment. If so, don’t say anything unless you have another job. You don’t want to do the right thing and then find that you are without a job. Exposing a secret has to be well thought out, timed appropriately and all options must be exhausted. People get into heaps of trouble when they don’t consider who may get hurt and what may happen as a result of exposing a secret that affects them or someone else.
When you expose a secret that is bringing you or someone you love much pain and grief, you will feel a peace in spite of the consequences. You will wonder what took you so long. In time, you will find that you are acting different. There will be those bouts that you will wish you had never said anything, but then you will remember the peace of having finally told. Even if you don’t feel comfortable in your decision initially, think of the person who may be helped as a result. Of course, if you have told lies to cover up your secret, you will have to earn their trust again.
Think of the many people who have told their stories of sexual and physical abuse, things they saw, what they heard and how their stories helped so many including themselves. If we all kept everything to ourselves and said nothing, then we would all die with broken hearts having helped no one. I thank God for those people who came before me and shared their terrible secrets, if it wasn’t for their courage, I would have never been able to face my own challenges.
Sometimes when people carry secrets they may not realize that what is so important to them may not matter to the person who loves them. If someone truly loves you, then they will walk through the fire with you. If you look at the benefit of having a secret and eventually tell it, you will find that it is a test on whether or not a relationship was meant to be. If this person who claims that they love you can’t handle a little secret, then what makes you think they will be able to handle even bigger challenges in the future? You may have to re-evaluate whether you want this person to continue to be a part of your life.
Finally, there are those secrets that don’t help anyone and those are better left being buried with you when you die.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
You might only have one chance to make the right not write impression.
Showing posts with label in-laws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in-laws. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
10 Internet & Email Dating Tips
The following tips will help you with your quest to find someone who is right for you online.
1. When reviewing the photos of people on social networking sites, be sure that you don't pick someone who is seen in all his or her photographs smiling with their mouth closed, wearing a hat, sitting down, wearing an unusual amount of makeup, or standing behind someone or something. This person is obviously trying to cover up their hidden flaws. They may be balding, obese or very short, have terrible looking teeth, covering up birthmarks, freckles or pimples or they may have some kind of handicap.
2. If you should find someone who has done this in all there photographs, ask them in your email to send you a recent photo. Now he or she may not have one, but give them enough time to get one taken. If they are always coming up with an excuse, move on.
3. Don't rush to ask for phone numbers. If you find that you are anxious to speak to this person over the phone, think about why. Is it because you haven't had sex in awhile, you are just curious about his or her voice, and/or he or she is saying all the right things in their emails? Whatever the case, write as much as you like until you are comfortable with the answers you are receiving and that you honestly care for this person. (If they seem as if they are putting you off, not responding to email in a timely manner or answering all emails with little or no detail, move on.)
4. Be sure when you are writing your first emails to them that you aren't getting "too serious". Don't get into your desires of being married and having children right away or writing a history of every Tom, Dick and Harry or Jane, Mary and Tina who ever broke your heart. Find out what their likes and dislikes are, what they enjoy doing daily, where do they like to go, what kind of hobbies they love, how do they feel about their job, family, and friends. In later emails, you may want to bring up the serious topics in such a way that would not make them run for the border. For instance, when asking about a mental condition, you may say that you read somewhere how most mental illnesses are genetic and that you found out from a friend that he is bipolar (don't make up a lie, but use a true case.) Do they know of anyone who has suffered from the disease?
5. Don't forget to spell check your emails. Many educated people who can spell well, frown at emails that are riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. Be sure to read over what you write aloud. This helps when you are trying to find out if you communicated your point well.
6. There is no set time on how long you email back and fourth, so don't set a limit of how long you will do it. He or she may have other email pals or gals, but don't let that push you to ask for a date sooner rather than later. Sometimes those other email pals or gals are in a rush to meet and then ultimately hang themselves being disrespectful, pushy, lying, cheating etc. It is better to play the best friend or confidante role to get what you want long term rather than the one night stand.
7. Remember in your emails to acknowledge birthdays and other holidays. Ask about family and friends by name (if you know any.) It makes the receiver feel like you have been thinking about them and sincerely care.
8. When he or she feels like they can trust you, you may want to send them something special in the mail. Reassure them that you wouldn't surprise them on their job or at home, but that you just want to send them something nice. If they aren't ready to share their address, don't take it personal just say, "Maybe next time."
9. Now that you have survived the email relationship, you may want to ask for that all important date. Start the email off by saying how much you enjoyed writing, but you would like to exchange phone numbers. If they say no, be patient, at least you know that they will be thinking about it. The reason why it is a big deal for some people is they feel if they talk with you on the phone that eventually it will lead to something more and if they aren't ready they don't want to lead you on.
10. When you set up the date, time and meeting place, be sure to leave a note in your apartment and tell someone close to you where you will be going. Better yet, if you can have someone at your home to take a photo of the two of you or glance at the license plate of his or her vehicle, you will be playing it safe.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
1. When reviewing the photos of people on social networking sites, be sure that you don't pick someone who is seen in all his or her photographs smiling with their mouth closed, wearing a hat, sitting down, wearing an unusual amount of makeup, or standing behind someone or something. This person is obviously trying to cover up their hidden flaws. They may be balding, obese or very short, have terrible looking teeth, covering up birthmarks, freckles or pimples or they may have some kind of handicap.
2. If you should find someone who has done this in all there photographs, ask them in your email to send you a recent photo. Now he or she may not have one, but give them enough time to get one taken. If they are always coming up with an excuse, move on.
3. Don't rush to ask for phone numbers. If you find that you are anxious to speak to this person over the phone, think about why. Is it because you haven't had sex in awhile, you are just curious about his or her voice, and/or he or she is saying all the right things in their emails? Whatever the case, write as much as you like until you are comfortable with the answers you are receiving and that you honestly care for this person. (If they seem as if they are putting you off, not responding to email in a timely manner or answering all emails with little or no detail, move on.)
4. Be sure when you are writing your first emails to them that you aren't getting "too serious". Don't get into your desires of being married and having children right away or writing a history of every Tom, Dick and Harry or Jane, Mary and Tina who ever broke your heart. Find out what their likes and dislikes are, what they enjoy doing daily, where do they like to go, what kind of hobbies they love, how do they feel about their job, family, and friends. In later emails, you may want to bring up the serious topics in such a way that would not make them run for the border. For instance, when asking about a mental condition, you may say that you read somewhere how most mental illnesses are genetic and that you found out from a friend that he is bipolar (don't make up a lie, but use a true case.) Do they know of anyone who has suffered from the disease?
5. Don't forget to spell check your emails. Many educated people who can spell well, frown at emails that are riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. Be sure to read over what you write aloud. This helps when you are trying to find out if you communicated your point well.
6. There is no set time on how long you email back and fourth, so don't set a limit of how long you will do it. He or she may have other email pals or gals, but don't let that push you to ask for a date sooner rather than later. Sometimes those other email pals or gals are in a rush to meet and then ultimately hang themselves being disrespectful, pushy, lying, cheating etc. It is better to play the best friend or confidante role to get what you want long term rather than the one night stand.
7. Remember in your emails to acknowledge birthdays and other holidays. Ask about family and friends by name (if you know any.) It makes the receiver feel like you have been thinking about them and sincerely care.
8. When he or she feels like they can trust you, you may want to send them something special in the mail. Reassure them that you wouldn't surprise them on their job or at home, but that you just want to send them something nice. If they aren't ready to share their address, don't take it personal just say, "Maybe next time."
9. Now that you have survived the email relationship, you may want to ask for that all important date. Start the email off by saying how much you enjoyed writing, but you would like to exchange phone numbers. If they say no, be patient, at least you know that they will be thinking about it. The reason why it is a big deal for some people is they feel if they talk with you on the phone that eventually it will lead to something more and if they aren't ready they don't want to lead you on.
10. When you set up the date, time and meeting place, be sure to leave a note in your apartment and tell someone close to you where you will be going. Better yet, if you can have someone at your home to take a photo of the two of you or glance at the license plate of his or her vehicle, you will be playing it safe.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
How to Deal with Your In-Laws When They Have Offended You
They have said or done something that is nagging at your heart, those in-laws! "How dare they say that? Who do they think they are? If I wasn't a Christian, I would beat their...?" In-laws you don't live with them; therefore, you can do without them, right? Too often spouses give their in-laws far too much power, right? So what they are your husband's, wife's, boyfriend's, girlfriend's or significant other's family right? Wrong. What you say or do to them will ultimately affect how your mate sees you. If your mate never had a close relationship with his or her family, then you are safe, but as for the other mates who are somewhat close, very close, or too close for comfort with their family, you will have to handle conflicts with the in-laws carefully.
Depending on what the offense was you will need to be certain that it is worth explaining to your man or woman about how they made you feel. When you open up to your mate or his or her family about your feelings, you could be setting yourself up for ridicule, giving them power to misconstrue words that you have said, or even worse having to defend why you feel the way that you do.
The best advice when dealing with your in-laws' offenses initially is to keep quiet. Stay quiet until your temperament is under control and you are ready for any negative remarks, attitudes, or other behaviors that may further add insult to injury made by your in-laws. Later you may want to address issues, but how you do it comes later in this article. It is easier said then done to be quiet on offensive behavior, but if you don't want the battle of words or fists with the in-laws don't fall into their trap. What trap might they be setting you may ask?
Well depending on how serious the offense was and you know the in-laws may not like you, they could be looking for a bit of information they could later use against you when you don't guard your feelings. In-laws have a way of making you feel at ease and comfortable. They invite you to events, offer to help you with projects, or tell you to call them anytime hoping for a tidbit of information about their son or daughter's life. For instance, let's say you were upset with your spouse one day and decided to confide in your brother-in-law about his always being at the local bar, maybe his brother was unaware.
If your brother-in-law doesn't know how to converse with his brother in a way that communicates "hanging out at the local bar isn't good for your family," but says "your wife was complaining to me the other day about your being at the local bar," chances are your husband would blow up about you talking with his brother about him. If your brother-in-law doesn't like you, he could very well use this as a way to cause difficulty in your relationship. Think of an example you may have dealt with in the past that caused conflict with your in-laws. Do you feel you handled the situation in the best way possible and are you at peace with your silence about it? If your not, then speaking up about offenses is the next piece of advice.
When you feel there is no other alternative then to speak up on matters that you are offended, be polite, yet firm about your views. No matter how your spouse or in-laws try to soften their actions, make excuses, or say things to get you off track, stick to the topic of conversation. You are entitled to express your feelings, it may help you or it may cause you to become angry or distant. Whatever your emotion you experience, know that in time your peace will come and if you have a faith you know God will avenge for their offenses. Be sure that you come out a winner by returning a phone call when you are ready, being respectful by avoiding name calling, cursing or yelling. However, if you feel you need to change your pitch in your voice to show that you are upset, so be it, but don't overdo it.
Most of all, before you approach your in-laws discuss what you are going to say to your spouse. Phone conversations should be recorded and email should be saved for sensitive issues that you feel they may lie about or make you look like the bad guy in the eyes of your mate. It's unfortunate that you have to resort to such measures, but if your relationship to your spouse means anything to you and you feel your mate is seeing their negative behaviors through rose-colored glasses, then do it. Yet, some mates no matter what you say or do to prove that their family is more harmful than good, will still take their side, if so, you will seriously need to evaluate how your mate's action or inaction is affecting your relationship.
No one likes anyone from the outside looking in telling them about their family. Be prepared for your spouse to overreact to what you have said about his or her family or make excuses for them. When they have a history with their family, they tend to know all too well what their family is capable of doing, but refuse to admit to it. For others, they may not know how to deal with conflict when it comes to family issues. You will need to know if you have the type of mate who runs from conflict and waits for you to sort things out with the in-laws or the kind of man or woman who knows what is going on in the family, talks with them about issues, but leaves you in the dark. Either spouse is responsible for their family and it is up to you to remind him or her to deal with the issues and update you on what he or she said so that you can be prepared for any backlash, otherwise he or she will have to deal with an unhappy life with you.
Now every matter that comes up with the in-laws is not worth raising with your spouse. For instance, if it is an issue that has nothing to do with you or your children, don't say a word. It isn't worth commenting on, offering advice or anything else when you know the in-laws don't like you. Why set yourself up for being talked about by them when you could have stayed out of the limelight? For instance, why offer to help them with their problems or go out of your way to buy them things when you know they don't appreciate you being with their daughter or son?
Think of all of those people in movies and in real life who go over to the in-laws' home and make a point to look and act their best. They speak when spoken to and let their husband or wife do all the talking. Some of the best daughter and son-in-laws are the ones who don't come around their wife's and husband's family often. They know that familiarity breeds contempt. You will have to learn enough about the family to know how to balance the visits from knowing when to stay home. However, remember that with some families you are damned when you do and damned when you don't.
The next time a conflict arises with the in-laws involving you, put the conflict in your husband's or wife's hands and let them deal with it. Don't bother to discuss the issue with his or her side of the family until they have assured you that they have handled it. You will know that the conflict has been put to rest when the in-laws start behaving different than the way they did with you before the problem arose. In some cases, they may even act worse. If they do, talk with your spouse about it and try to distance yourself from them. No one should have to put up with verbal, non-verbal, or physical abuse from anyone no matter what good deeds they have done for you and your family in the past.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
Depending on what the offense was you will need to be certain that it is worth explaining to your man or woman about how they made you feel. When you open up to your mate or his or her family about your feelings, you could be setting yourself up for ridicule, giving them power to misconstrue words that you have said, or even worse having to defend why you feel the way that you do.
The best advice when dealing with your in-laws' offenses initially is to keep quiet. Stay quiet until your temperament is under control and you are ready for any negative remarks, attitudes, or other behaviors that may further add insult to injury made by your in-laws. Later you may want to address issues, but how you do it comes later in this article. It is easier said then done to be quiet on offensive behavior, but if you don't want the battle of words or fists with the in-laws don't fall into their trap. What trap might they be setting you may ask?
Well depending on how serious the offense was and you know the in-laws may not like you, they could be looking for a bit of information they could later use against you when you don't guard your feelings. In-laws have a way of making you feel at ease and comfortable. They invite you to events, offer to help you with projects, or tell you to call them anytime hoping for a tidbit of information about their son or daughter's life. For instance, let's say you were upset with your spouse one day and decided to confide in your brother-in-law about his always being at the local bar, maybe his brother was unaware.
If your brother-in-law doesn't know how to converse with his brother in a way that communicates "hanging out at the local bar isn't good for your family," but says "your wife was complaining to me the other day about your being at the local bar," chances are your husband would blow up about you talking with his brother about him. If your brother-in-law doesn't like you, he could very well use this as a way to cause difficulty in your relationship. Think of an example you may have dealt with in the past that caused conflict with your in-laws. Do you feel you handled the situation in the best way possible and are you at peace with your silence about it? If your not, then speaking up about offenses is the next piece of advice.
When you feel there is no other alternative then to speak up on matters that you are offended, be polite, yet firm about your views. No matter how your spouse or in-laws try to soften their actions, make excuses, or say things to get you off track, stick to the topic of conversation. You are entitled to express your feelings, it may help you or it may cause you to become angry or distant. Whatever your emotion you experience, know that in time your peace will come and if you have a faith you know God will avenge for their offenses. Be sure that you come out a winner by returning a phone call when you are ready, being respectful by avoiding name calling, cursing or yelling. However, if you feel you need to change your pitch in your voice to show that you are upset, so be it, but don't overdo it.
Most of all, before you approach your in-laws discuss what you are going to say to your spouse. Phone conversations should be recorded and email should be saved for sensitive issues that you feel they may lie about or make you look like the bad guy in the eyes of your mate. It's unfortunate that you have to resort to such measures, but if your relationship to your spouse means anything to you and you feel your mate is seeing their negative behaviors through rose-colored glasses, then do it. Yet, some mates no matter what you say or do to prove that their family is more harmful than good, will still take their side, if so, you will seriously need to evaluate how your mate's action or inaction is affecting your relationship.
No one likes anyone from the outside looking in telling them about their family. Be prepared for your spouse to overreact to what you have said about his or her family or make excuses for them. When they have a history with their family, they tend to know all too well what their family is capable of doing, but refuse to admit to it. For others, they may not know how to deal with conflict when it comes to family issues. You will need to know if you have the type of mate who runs from conflict and waits for you to sort things out with the in-laws or the kind of man or woman who knows what is going on in the family, talks with them about issues, but leaves you in the dark. Either spouse is responsible for their family and it is up to you to remind him or her to deal with the issues and update you on what he or she said so that you can be prepared for any backlash, otherwise he or she will have to deal with an unhappy life with you.
Now every matter that comes up with the in-laws is not worth raising with your spouse. For instance, if it is an issue that has nothing to do with you or your children, don't say a word. It isn't worth commenting on, offering advice or anything else when you know the in-laws don't like you. Why set yourself up for being talked about by them when you could have stayed out of the limelight? For instance, why offer to help them with their problems or go out of your way to buy them things when you know they don't appreciate you being with their daughter or son?
Think of all of those people in movies and in real life who go over to the in-laws' home and make a point to look and act their best. They speak when spoken to and let their husband or wife do all the talking. Some of the best daughter and son-in-laws are the ones who don't come around their wife's and husband's family often. They know that familiarity breeds contempt. You will have to learn enough about the family to know how to balance the visits from knowing when to stay home. However, remember that with some families you are damned when you do and damned when you don't.
The next time a conflict arises with the in-laws involving you, put the conflict in your husband's or wife's hands and let them deal with it. Don't bother to discuss the issue with his or her side of the family until they have assured you that they have handled it. You will know that the conflict has been put to rest when the in-laws start behaving different than the way they did with you before the problem arose. In some cases, they may even act worse. If they do, talk with your spouse about it and try to distance yourself from them. No one should have to put up with verbal, non-verbal, or physical abuse from anyone no matter what good deeds they have done for you and your family in the past.
Nicholl McGuire writes for numerous websites, feel free to learn more about her services and connect here at Nicholl McGuire Media
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